Monday, April 1, 2013
April Fools or Fool?
Hey, ya'll! This is Kira over at She Can't Shut Up! And since Marcy has totally flaked on you today, I'm going to guest post and give you something to read! So if you get bored later you should go check out my blog. I talk about how awesome and fun pregnancy was, the insanity of parenthood, and other fun sarcastic things.
In case you didn't get the memo Google Reader is disappearing soon. So go follow me on BlogLovin!
So, what do I have in store for you lovelies today? Well, I have no idea. So I decided to gross you out on this lovely Monday morning.
Enjoy. No need to say thank you.
Let me give you some background. I was pregnant from October 2010-July 2011. It was the longest 9 months of my life. I had a perfect pregnancy. No complications (well, until I pretty much died in labor), but what I did have was EVERY FREAKING SYMPTOM. Which means I threw up for 3 months, had swollen legs, had acne, "glowed" aka sweat everywhere, had amazing hair that always had vomit in it, slept more than a narcoleptic, couldn't poop to save my life, and was generally a cranky miserable bitch. Fun, huh?
I was no longer concerned about my bowel movements or the repercussions of not having regular movements. Little did I know.
Apparently, one of the awesome side effects of pregnancy is hemorrhoids. Those things that have the awesome commercials and tell you to buy Preparation H? Yup.
Imagine my excitement when I realized that is simply not the case and that you can get these lovely hemorrhoids any time! I jumped up and down, I squealed like a little girl, and pretty much though I'd won the lottery.
This is otherwise known as having a breakdown and crying (mind you my foot/ankle was huge, my leg hurt all the way up, my butt hole now is exploding, I pulled something in my back, I had heartburn, my lungs were squished so I couldn't really breathe and NOW I have a growth in my butt!).
I will spare you the details of the creams and solutions to this lovely problem, but needless to say they will probably get worse before they get better. I am awaiting this amazing cauliflower butt with bated breath.
Update: They didn't get worse. I dealt with nasty butt bumps the rest of my pregnancy. But, I had a C-Section because I almost died so didn't get full on labor style Cauliflower Butt. Thank the good Lord.
We shall see if Marcy ever asks me to guest post again!!
Have a great Monday, beautiful ladies (and the random guy who reads)!