Wow.
I don’t even know
where to start?
Honestly, I truly don’t.
Is anybody still
around here?
Still waiting for me
to post something.
I miss it.
I miss writing.
I miss y’all.
I miss motivating and
inspiring.
I had to take steps
back though.
It might not be a
part of everybody’s journey but it was part of my journey.
It still is.
See, some of you may have
though I had it all figured out.
You may have though I
had my shit together.
And maybe I did a shy
4 months ago.
Today.
Today I sit here
almost in tears, twenty pounds heavier, and still wondering what the hell has
happened over these past four months.
I have a list of
excuses.
Wanna hear them?
I didn’t think so…
But I quit my job of
six years to pursue a new job.
A new job that on the
outside seemed perfect.
I would have argued
to you until I was blue in the face that it was perfect.
It wasn’t.
It just wasn’t for
me.
I didn’t fit.
It did not mesh with
me, nor did it mesh with my lifestyle.
I left a job where I
could go to the gym every day at lunch to a job that was literally sucking the
life out of me.
I hated it.
I hated the hours.
I disliked the way
things were ran there, and the poor management.
I missed my family.
I was stressed.
I ate.
I didn’t work out.
There was no time,
and when there was time I was too exhausted.
So I would sit on the
couch before bed, watch my dvr, and I would eat.
I love food.
Too much…
I eat it all the
time.
When I am happy, when
I am sad, and every little emotion in between.
Sometimes it may be
out of emotion but for the most part I just love food.
It became apparent
one day that I no longer could go back to that job.
It was hurting me.
Physically, mentally,
and emotionally.
In return it was only
hurting myself, and most importantly the people I loved the most, my family.
So I quit.
I have NEVER done
that but it was truly something I had to do.
Luckily there is a
happy ending to it all.
I am not a bum
sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself all day long.
I found another
amazing opportunity and it’s working out.
I love it.
I love the people.
And I get to help
people all day.
The tricky part is
this.
I am walking at least
three to four miles a day.
It’s a mile around
our building and we walk this on our breaks.
So that’s all well
and fine.
I try to get out and
be active at night but that doesn’t always happen.
I got a fitbit (themrsburris@yahoo.com for those that
want to be friends) which has helped.
But it hasn’t been
enough.
I have gained.
I know it.
I haven’t stepped on
the scale in weeks.
I want to eat all the
foods.
I want to eat all the
foods all the time.
It’s my drug of
choice and it has to stop.
I get so mad.
Like really extra
crazy mad at myself.
How was it so easy
before?
How in the shit did I
manage to lose 110+ pounds and now losing 20 seems almost impossible.
I know it’s not.
I mean I know what I
have to do.
But how do I not let
food take over my life?
It’s gotten to the
point that I don’t post on Instagram and I hate seeing people in public.
I am embarrassed and
I am ashamed.
People looked up to
me, the still do, and I have definitely let them down.
It’s a lot of
pressure.
A lot.
I will get there,
eventually.
This is just yet
another bump, big bump if I might add, in this crazy journey so far.
So I guess I have a
question for anybody that might be reading this.
What’s your way of
getting back on track?
Of crawling out of
the hole that never seems to have a way out of?
I know it's not impossible.
I know that.
I've come so far...
