Friday, June 28, 2013

Scratchy McScratcherson

Honestly I wasn't going to post at all today.
But after HJ's post today and the bazillions of emails, texts, etc. I figured I would put together a little something for ya!
I just want to let everybody know I am EH' OKAY!
Well sort of.
I can barely even put a sentence together right now.
Like it's all I think about.
Like right now...
I am not to shy to admit that I am going bra less today.
I can make it work because I have tits that are smaller than a short order of pancakes at McDonald's and I am wearing a spaghetti shirt under my regular shirt.
At this point I could give two shits less what kinda boobs I had.
A bra and poison ivy just don't work well together.
I just want to let everybody know who has been yelling at me with their ALL CAPS WORDS that, I did in fact, go to the doctor this morning.
Actually I pretty much despise going to the doctor so I stopped in at my local The Little Clinic inside my Kroger's before work.
I was greeted by the sweetest little lady with the thickest southern accent.
She said, "Honey let me tell you something!  Do not waste your money coming here!  Go over to that aisle right there and right next to that Cal-O-mine lotion you will see it.  White bottle and green cap.  It's called TECNU and I would suggest that over anything I can do for you.  I am very allergic and it has always helped me.  Save your money darlin!"
Save is what I did.
So I bought me some Tecnu and when I go home tonight you will find me in my shower scrubbing away.
Pray for me that it does work because I am at my wits end.
Like I am just about ready to cut my left boob off done.
I told my Husband not to even expect anything out of me upon my arrival home tonight.
I will probably strip on the way to the shower it's THAT bad.
In other news I plan on drinking this weekend.
And stuffing my face.
Ya I said it...
Because come Monday "Motivational Marcy" is back, and back for good!
Oh and in case you forgot what kind of misery I am actually in...
It's now making it's way to my right boobage and down to my left hip and ass cheek.
Not okay poison ivy, NOT okay!

Thursday, June 27, 2013

All I want to do is strip down naked and flail around on my berber carpet like a fish out of water...

The last time I had poison ivy I was around the age of 12.
At first it was just this teeny tiny little patch of itchyness and I shrugged it off thinking thinking a skeeter had gotten a hold of me.
When I woke up this next morning that poison laughed in my face.
I was literally covered in it.
I itched so bad I 1. Cried 2. Flailed around on the floor like a fish out of water 3.  Took a brush to it.
Not even kidding a little bit.
Nothing my parents did helped it either.
I haven't gotten it since so I guess I should feel thankful for at least that.
Always gotta look at the positives.
Except right now all I want to do are those three things above.
I pray I can stay strong at least while I am at work.
My family already knows I am that crazy but these work peeps...
Shhhh they think I am normal!
It started out on my left arm.
Yesterday it spread to my boobages.
This morning I woke up and it is trickling it's way down my belly and onto my side.
Fucking awesome.
So if you are having a bad day just pray to little bebe Jesus that you don't have this.
I am literally going to lose my shit at any given moment.
I am pretty positive that if I ever went to hell my hell would be me covered in this garbage for the rest of eternity.
Oh and the worst part is sweat activates it so until I can get it under control I can't workout.
It seems like an excuse but it's not.
Nobody knows more than I how much I want to sweat it out!
On a more positive note please check out what our sweet Lauren got our Daddy for his birthday yesterday...
That would be a beer koozie my friends.
I seriously was trying so hard not to pee my pants and laugh.
She was so proud of that thing and it was so sweet.
Can't wait to take a picture of him using it this weekend!!!!

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

I'll keep this short and sweet...

Happy Birthday Husby...
To somebody who has shown me a love I didn't think I would ever know.
To somebody who gets better with age.
To somebody who can make me spittn' fire mad and laugh all at the same time.
To somebody who is an amazing Daddy.
To somebody who has never let me down.
You are my walkin', talkn', dream come true.
Cheers to many more birthday celebrations together my love.

Poison oak on the boobage. Hangin' Tough. Ewwwwwww.

What's worse than poison oak invading your bra line/boobs in the dead heat of the summer?
Nothing my friends, absolutely nothing is worse than that.
I am a mess.
It's on my arms.
It's on my legs.
Worst of all it's all over my boobs and right where my bra hits my skin directly underneath.
It's taking me everything I have not to whip the brush out of my gym bag and go to town.
Yes, it itches that badly...
In the meantime though I am still hangin' tough...
Regardless of the dude that went ape shit on us after HE cut us in line {dude don't mess with two drunk girls who are surrounded by 209483092 other drunk girls trying to get beer}...
Regardless of the price for said beers.
Regardless of the two prudes sitting in front of us who rolled their eyes every time we screamed and were also sitting down during the concert and drinking water...
In all seriousness though.
I literally had the best time last night.
Probably one of the best concerts I have been to.
Maybe it was the shear fact that I got to re-live my teenage days again with my best friend?
Photo: Drinking since 1 nuff said @tattdmomma
{day drinking leads to pictures where we cheese and I look like a man}

Hot sweaty nasty mess...

And just for shiz and gigz...

If you guys have never seen the Jimmy Fallon Ewwww skits your missing out.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

I feel sorry for everybody that follows me on IG....

Who knew that when I woke up this morning I would be doing something EPIC tonight?
Ya me either.
I didn't know.
I probably have the BEST Husband in the world because he was the one initially suggesting I go to the NKOTB concert tonight since there were still cheaper seats available.
I brushed it off at first.
I could care less if they are going to appear like ants to me.
As long as Mama can sing along and get her groove thing on with her bestie all will be right in the world.
I will be sure to take 2098409280493 pictures tonight so don't say I didn't warn you...
Oh and if you don't already you can follow me on IG HERE!!!

In the meantime I will be...

Monday, June 24, 2013

Twerking it for Jesus...

Sami's Shenanigans

Hey my little honey bunches of oats how the hell is you?
I'm just fanfuckingstastic thanks for asking.
Oh and if you didn't ask I am telling you anyways.

Please tell me how in the flip Mondays come so quickly but it always drags serious ass for Friday to make it's appearance?
I'll never understand...
Oh and if I ever become President I am totally making it a rule that we should have Monday's off as well.
HELLLLOOOOOOOOOOO 4 day work week errryyyyy week!

This weekend wasn't too shabby.
Friday night I started it off right by including a second workout into my day.

Zumba I love you.
You burn me lots of calories and make me sweat.
What I look like doing Zumba...
tkyle:  me eating lunch
{I kid. I kid}

I was able to enjoy some of Big Daddy's homemade Chicken & Dumplins'!
They never disappoint!
I also had to end up icing my ankles Friday night.

It was a first but it definitely helped!
They felt so much better afterwards.

Saturday morning my Gran showed up at the ass crack of dawn to work our asses off getting our landscaping together.
Woman has more energy than Kev and I put together.

I took multiple union breaks.
It was hot.
Then I teased it to Lil Bebe Jesus and we went to look for some landscapy things.

And I tried like hell to convince my Husband that I needed this owl planter.

Like need.
Not just want.

We had friends over Saturday night and it was just a nice relaxing evening.

By nice and relaxing I mean I drank like a fish, went body surfing on the kids skateboard, and threw Christmas lights in the fire.

Yesterday was spent in bed most of the day.
I felt like pure ass.
Headache, stomach ache, and stayed in fuzzy socks-sweatshirt-sweatpants all day wrapped up in a blanket.
I am happy to report I am feeling more like myself today.
Back to the gym.
Back to setting new goals and starting this week on the right foot.
As for right now...
Right this very second...


Friday, June 21, 2013

She wears her sunglasses at night...

Linking up and sharing my sunnies today with Holly and Laura.
I have NEVER been one of those people that spends a shit ton of dolla dolla bills on sunglasses.
They typically get thrown in my purse, get sat on, or dropped out the window when I am throwing my hands up in the air after a concert and too many Bud Light Drafts.
I did splurge and bought a pair of "designer" sun glasses at Macy's for $125.00 one time.
Back when I was young, dumb, and hardly a penny to my name.
Because that's what you did... 
You worked at Blue Chip Cookie Company in the mall and when you got paid every Friday you spent it ALL that day...  at the mall.
That same day I broke those $125.00 sunglasses and I may have cried over it.
Okay not may, I DID cry over it.
Regardless it has never happened again.
I will not pay more than a couple bucks for my sunglasses.
They can all be found at your local Dollar General.
I wear them during the day and I also wear them at night...

Or while I am filming my first of many lip syncing videos for Hubby Jack and TimBob's challenge...
Word to your Mother.
Everybody drink lots of beer and get rowdy this weekend.
Because I said so.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

The Royal Wedding... ya know the day that the Prince and his Princess got married... Oh you thought I meant Prince William and Princess Kate? No... I am talking about Kev and I... We picked the date first afterall!

I blogged over at "Marcy's Mazin' Moments" during my wedding planning and actual wedding.
I was never one of those bloggers' who was able to capture every.single.moment. in one of those amazing 10 part recap posts.
...and no, I am not making fun of you for doing that.
I wish I could but I am just simply too ADHD for that.
So what a perfect way to share one of my favorite days with you in one mushy post.
And duh anything that has Holly and Mel  in it and I just can't turn it down!

We got married about a minute down the road from where we were living at the time right in the heart of our hometown.
Independence Christian Church.
It was small and country-esque {thats not even a word but shhhhh}.

It's amazing what Pinterest has done to me.
I think I have just about changed EVERYTHING I did for my wedding.
I want a re-do for our 10 year Anniversary...
Got that Husband?
Got that Daddy?
I went with a black and white damask theme and a touch of "fucking fuchsia" on the side.
That's what my bridesmaids and I referred to it as.
I was being swallowed by my clothes and having a come apart because the bows were not wanting to stay on!

Lauren Girl with Kevin's Mama

Can I just say my cake was AHMAYZIN'?!

Bridal Party?

First Dance Song?

We really lucked out with our Honeymoon!
Kevin's Best Mans Momma (got that?) has a time share in Myrtle Beach.
A week at the beach and we paid for nothing except gas to get ourselves there and food to help me gain 10 pounds while we were away!
It was an amazing week with just Husband and I!

What would you do differently?
I say all the time that I would change this and I would change that but honestly no.
It was an amazing day and one that I will never forget.
I married my best friend after all...
If I had to change anything though...
It would be to NOT get a spray tan before hand.
I would have rather of been see through than the total come apart I had the morning of the wedding from being splotchy.
Don't EVER do it.

Kevin, Marcy, this is a holy moment. This is a moment in your lives that is set apart. It is different from every other moment. For at this moment you have come to formally recognize that God has called you first to Himself, and then to each other, forever in Christian marriage. For all that can be observed and said about marriage, we must note that the very concept of marriage originates not in some arrangement of society or in cultural convenience, but in the eternal, providential design of the God of the Christian scriptures. The very notion of marriage; the idea that a man and a woman should be paired for life and for living has its beginning, its root, its very origin revealed by God to us in His Word. For in the beginning, in the account of creation itself, we read that the two shall become one by God’s decree.
Genesis 2 reads as follows: “Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all of the beasts of the field and all of the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all of the livestock; the birds of the air and the beasts of the field, but for Adam, no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man and he brought her to the man. The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.’ For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” This, then, is where the very idea of marriage has its origin. In the being, the mind, the heart, the design of God himself.
Let’s pray. Father, we thank you for this day. We thank you for your wisdom in creating us the way that you have and for designing and ordaining the very notion of marriage. But Lord, this day, we come to celebrate that you have brought Kevin and Marcy together to be one, to live all of life, Lord, for your glory. We celebrate this day. We pray that this service would be a time that we would reflect on the blessings and the glories of marriage and the joy of seeing you bring Kevin and Marcy together. Thank you, Father. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
I speak to you now as a congregation. Each of you is here today because you have, in some way, had an impact on Kevin and Marcy’s life. Some of you have known either one of them or both of them for years, and some of you may be meeting one of them for the first time today. But whether you are an old friend or a new one, you have a special place in their hearts. You also have a special purpose. As beloved family and friends, it is you who they will turn to in coming years, both in joy and in sorrow. It is you with whom they will share their happiness and bring their pain. You’ll watch as their marriage matures and as their love deepens and as their children grow. And when hard times come, and the loving support of family and friends like you is needed, Kevin and Marcy will be able to turn to you just as they turn to each other. Do you pledge to support and help strengthen their marriage by upholding them with your love, prayers, counsel, and concern for today and always? If so, please answer, “we do.” 
Congregation: “We do.”
Affirmation of Children:  Lauren and Shelby you are now entering a new family.
Will you give to this new family your trust, love, and affection?
Each child:  I will, with the help of God
Kevin and Marcy,
Will you be faithful and loving parents to Lauren and Shelby?
The couple:  We will, with the help of God.
Now Kevin, please state your intent. Do you take Marcy to be your wife in Christian marriage? Do you promise to love Marcy? To cherish her as your wife, to love her in sickness as well as in health, to love her by your actions and your attitudes regardless of the circumstances that surround you? Do you promise to provide for the spiritual, emotional, and material needs of your home as God enables you? And Kevin, do you promise to be faithful to Marcy as her companion in this life until God calls you home? If you agree to these promises, Kevin, please respond by saying, “I do.” 
Kevin: “I do.”
Marcy, do you take Kevin to be your husband in Christian marriage? Do you promise to love Kevin and to cherish him as your husband? To love him in sickness as well as in health, to love him by your actions and your attitudes regardless of the circumstances that surround you? Do you promise to support and encourage his leadership, as he by God’s enabling, provides for the spiritual, emotional, and material needs of your home? And Marcy do you promise to be faithful to Kevin as his companion in this life until God calls you home? If you agree to these promises, Marcy, please respond by saying, “I do.”
Marcy: “I do.”
Who presents this woman to be married to this man?
Dad: Her mother and I do.
"Union" by Robert Fulghum Read by Mrs. Stacey Guthrie

“You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes, to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making promises and agreements in an informal way. All of those conversations that were held riding in a car, or over a meal, or during long walks – all those sentences that began with, “When we’re married”, and continued with “I will” and “you will” and “we will” – all those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe” – and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding.

The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “You know all those things that we’ve promised, and hoped for, and dreamed – well, I meant it all, every word.”

Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another – acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in these last few years. Now you shall say a few words that will take you across a threshold of life, and things between you will never quite be the same.

For after today you shall say to the world –
This is my husband. This is my wife.

The words of God to us from Ephesians 5: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his body of which he is the Savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word and to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it just as Christ does the church, for we are members of this body. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery, but I’m talking about Christ and the church.”
This wedding ceremony, as holy, special, and glorious as it is today, ultimately redirects our view to the wedding of the lamb and His bride, the church. As Jesus loved His church and gave himself up for her to make her holy and blameless, so you also Kevin are charged to love Marcy in that same way. And just and Christ and his body, the church, are joined together as one – So today, you two become one flesh in God’s eyes.
Kevin and Marcy, because of your commitment to Jesus as Messiah and because I believe that you truly desire to be all he intends you to be in your life together, I can confidently proclaim that you are bound together today in Christian marriage. Marriage where Jesus reigns preeminent, where His word and His ways are held high, where Christ-like love and submission is given and received, and where you live all of life – the remainder of your days on this earth – together for His eternal purposes and to His praise.
Would you please turn and face one another? We now come to the vows, and the vows are a statement of your intent, a promise you make. You should understand that the vows that you are about to repeat are bounding upon you in the eyes of God and of these witnesses.
Kevin, we’ll begin with you as you repeat these vows** to Marcy:
I, Kevin, take you, Marcy, to be my wife;  and I promise, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful husband;  in plenty and in want;  in joy and in sorrow;  in sickness and in health;  as long as we both shall live.
And Marcy, if you’d repeat these vows to Kevin:
I, Marcy, take you, Kevin, to be my husband;  and I promise, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful wife;  in plenty and in want;  in joy and in sorrow;  in sickness and in health;  as long as we both shall live.
The rings that you are about to exchange now are a symbol. A symbol is simply a reminder of something bigger than itself. As the symbol of the cross represents God’s love and his provision of salvation through Jesus, the small rings that you are about to exchange are a symbol of something more profound – Something much bigger than a circle of precious metal. Because from this day on, these rings will serve as a simple and practical reminder that you, Marcy, belong to Kevin and that you, Kevin, belong to Marcy and that the God who created you now looks upon you as one flesh. And we pray that these rings will also remind you that you are encircled and surrounded by family and friends who are here for you, to help you, to share wisdom with you, and to pray for you. All of us here want you to know how much we love you two. May I have the rings please?
Let’s ask the Lord to bless these rings. Father, we thank you for the symbolism inherent in these rings – That they remind us of commitment, they remind us of unity, they remind us of so many things. They remind us of your unending love for us in Christ and your provision for us. This day, these rings will take on new significance as they remind Kevin and they remind Marcy of their commitment to you and to one another. We pray you’d bless these rings now in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Kevin, if you would take this ring and place it on Marcy’s finger and repeat these words to her: With this ring, I thee wed and seal my vow of faithful love to you, as a sign of our constant faith and abiding love, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Marcy, if you would take this ring and place it on Kevins’ finger and repeat these words to her: With this ring, I thee wed and seal my vow of faithful love to you, as a sing of our constant faith and abiding love, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Lighting of the Unity Candle and roses to Mothers.
Hand Prayer:  That song spoke of your hands. And your hands, that now have rings on them, are the hands of your best friend that are strong and full of love for each other. These hands are holding yours on your wedding day as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever. These are the hands that will work alongside yours as together you build your future. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch will comfort you like no other. These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind. These are the hands that will countless times wipe away the tears from your eyes – tears of sorrow and tears of joy. These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it and lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged will still be reaching for yours while still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch. Our prayer for you today is that both of you will use your hands to build a marriage rooted in your faith, commitment, and love for one another.
Pastor Don: Let’s pray for Marcy and Kevin. Father, we thank you so much for bringing these two together. It gives us great joy to see your work in their lives individually and your work in their lives together. Lord, we pray every blessing upon them. We pray that you would grow them, that you would strengthen them, that you would bind them in a closeness that they’ve never even known as of yet. But Lord we commend them to you, to the praise of your glorious grace, that they might live a life together for your glory. Thank you for the joy and the love you’ve put between them. We pray that you would bless them in every way. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Kevin, Marcy, because of your commitment to one another and to your Lord, by the authority granted to me as a minister of the Gospel of Jesus, I now pronounce that you are husband and wife. Kevin, you may kiss your bride!