I could sit here and type all sorts of wonderful things to make you think I have rainbows and sunshine beaming out of my asshole.
That's not me and I can assure you I don't.
Do I know it could be worse?
Do I know there are tons of people that would trade their lives with mine?
I know that I have amazing things in my life.
An amazing family, etc.
Unfortunately right now that doesn't help my heart.
I am just sad.
There is no way around it.
Without going into too much detail things just suck right now.
Sick family members, financial set backs, friendships, etc.
It's all hitting me and it's hitting me hard.
Everybody else is just walking around fine.
Laughing it up and living their lives.
And then there is me.
I wish I could be more like my Husband.
I know I have said it before but he is an amazing person.
He just does his own thing and doesn't let anything get to him.
He can move on.
I feel like I am just stuck.
Stuck in quick sand.
I am angry.
I feel hurt and betrayed.
By life in general these days.
Am I really that awful of a person that things keep happening in my life and I feel like I just take two steps back instead of even one step forward.
That I always end up getting punished for things that are not my fault?
That in every situation I do something wrong...
It's like I am always fighting a losing battle these days.
I was literally feeling the worst I have felt in days getting up for work this morning.
I could not pull the frown off my face to save my life.
I did my best to suck it up for the kids until I dropped them off at their Gran's and I lost it.
My tears matched the rain that was falling all around me.
I did my best to pull myself together when I saw my Husband.
It semi worked but he knows I am sad.
Unfortunately he mistakes my sadness for a bad mood.
I am not angry at him.
I am just miserable and I guess it comes out as anger.
Once in the car after getting my coffee I did start to feel a little better.
Traffic was terrible and I was literally staring at the bus as I pulled in the lot.
I knew he saw me so I figured he would wait.
I stepped out of the car into about 6 inches of water.
Then my coffee lid came off and I ended up pouring it all the way down the front of me.
I am almost positive I have third degree burns on my boobs and stomach.
I haven't even looked yet.
All of this and the bus driver took off.
Just left me there.
I am sure in several years maybe I can look at this and laugh.
Today, today I just want to cry.
I want to scream.
I want to throw the biggest three year old tantrum you have ever laid eyes on.
I just keep asking myself Why?
This could not have happened on a more craptastic day than it already was.
I hope that soon I see the reason behind all of what I am going through right now.
I do believe a lesson is learned in everything.
Just not sure what wreaking of coffee, burnt tits, and soaked shoes is supposed to teach me but I am keeping an open mind...
I hope everybody had a better start to the day than I and hopefully I will be back tomorrow with a better attitude...