Friday, June 28, 2013

Scratchy McScratcherson


Honestly I wasn't going to post at all today.
But after HJ's post today and the bazillions of emails, texts, etc. I figured I would put together a little something for ya!
 
I just want to let everybody know I am EH' OKAY!
Well sort of.
I can barely even put a sentence together right now.
All I want to do is SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH!
 
Like it's all I think about.
Like right now...
Ermygerrrdddd I want to SCRATCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
 
I am not to shy to admit that I am going bra less today.
I can make it work because I have tits that are smaller than a short order of pancakes at McDonald's and I am wearing a spaghetti shirt under my regular shirt.
At this point I could give two shits less what kinda boobs I had.
A bra and poison ivy just don't work well together.
 
I just want to let everybody know who has been yelling at me with their ALL CAPS WORDS that, I did in fact, go to the doctor this morning.
Actually I pretty much despise going to the doctor so I stopped in at my local The Little Clinic inside my Kroger's before work.
I was greeted by the sweetest little lady with the thickest southern accent.
She said, "Honey let me tell you something!  Do not waste your money coming here!  Go over to that aisle right there and right next to that Cal-O-mine lotion you will see it.  White bottle and green cap.  It's called TECNU and I would suggest that over anything I can do for you.  I am very allergic and it has always helped me.  Save your money darlin!"
Save is what I did.
So I bought me some Tecnu and when I go home tonight you will find me in my shower scrubbing away.
 
Pray for me that it does work because I am at my wits end.
Like I am just about ready to cut my left boob off done.
 
I told my Husband not to even expect anything out of me upon my arrival home tonight.
I will probably strip on the way to the shower it's THAT bad.
In other news I plan on drinking this weekend.
And stuffing my face.
Ya I said it...
Because come Monday "Motivational Marcy" is back, and back for good!
 
Oh and in case you forgot what kind of misery I am actually in...
It's now making it's way to my right boobage and down to my left hip and ass cheek.
Not okay poison ivy, NOT okay!
TGIF
 





8 comments:

  1. OMG..your making me itchy shady lady!! I hope it gets better! Drink the pain away!

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  2. Did no one else recommend calamine lotion, seriously?
    If not, I'm sorry I didn't speak up, cause that would have been the first thing I suggested.
    :( Hope it helps.

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  3. Always die over the GIFS- Never ever disappoints!

    Get better mah love!

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  4. i had poison all over my face once (eyes, lips, everything!) my whole face was swollen, i looked like Rocky from the movie Mask. i went to the doctor and they gave some steroid prescription and that helped!
    feel better soon! :)

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  5. I hope that lotion works for you. If not, hot water is the way to go. Like as hot as you can stand it. Burning the crap outta your lady eggs seems counterintuitive, but I promise, it will feel like the greatest moment of your life. Do it 2x a day, and you'll be able to tough it out. Good luck.

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  6. Try cold water actually. It shocks the system and cleans out toxins(including irritants), I`m not sure it will work but its worth a try!

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  7. Good lord girl I hope this gets better fast!

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  8. They have this liquid Benadryl stuff that kinda helps for a few seconds too... Oh, and Aveno makes these oatmeal bath packets! Hope it gets better! I get itchy just thinking about it!!

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