Thursday, July 31, 2014

Life is like a road. It has bumps, cracks and obstacles, but in the end, it gets you somewhere...

Wow.
I don’t even know where to start?
Honestly, I truly don’t.
Is anybody still around here?
Still waiting for me to post something.
I miss it.
I miss writing.
I miss y’all.
I miss motivating and inspiring.
I had to take steps back though.
It might not be a part of everybody’s journey but it was part of my journey.
It still is.
See, some of you may have though I had it all figured out.
You may have though I had my shit together.
And maybe I did a shy 4 months ago.
Today.
Today I sit here almost in tears, twenty pounds heavier, and still wondering what the hell has happened over these past four months.
I have a list of excuses.
Wanna hear them?
I didn’t think so…
But I quit my job of six years to pursue a new job.
A new job that on the outside seemed perfect.
I would have argued to you until I was blue in the face that it was perfect.
It wasn’t.
It just wasn’t for me.
I didn’t fit.
It did not mesh with me, nor did it mesh with my lifestyle.
I left a job where I could go to the gym every day at lunch to a job that was literally sucking the life out of me.
I hated it.
I hated the hours.
I disliked the way things were ran there, and the poor management.
I missed my family.
I was stressed.
I ate.
I didn’t work out.
There was no time, and when there was time I was too exhausted.
So I would sit on the couch before bed, watch my dvr, and I would eat.
I love food.
Too much…
I eat it all the time.
When I am happy, when I am sad, and every little emotion in between.
Sometimes it may be out of emotion but for the most part I just love food.
It became apparent one day that I no longer could go back to that job.
It was hurting me.
Physically, mentally, and emotionally.
In return it was only hurting myself, and most importantly the people I loved the most, my family.
So I quit.
I have NEVER done that but it was truly something I had to do.
Luckily there is a happy ending to it all.
I am not a bum sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself all day long.
I found another amazing opportunity and it’s working out.
I love it.
I love the people.
And I get to help people all day.
The tricky part is this.
I am walking at least three to four miles a day.
It’s a mile around our building and we walk this on our breaks.
So that’s all well and fine.
I try to get out and be active at night but that doesn’t always happen.
I got a fitbit (themrsburris@yahoo.com for those that want to be friends) which has helped.
But it hasn’t been enough.
I have gained.
I know it.
I haven’t stepped on the scale in weeks.
I want to eat all the foods.
I want to eat all the foods all the time.
It’s my drug of choice and it has to stop.
I get so mad.
Like really extra crazy mad at myself.
How was it so easy before?
How in the shit did I manage to lose 110+ pounds and now losing 20 seems almost impossible.
I know it’s not.
I mean I know what I have to do.
But how do I not let food take over my life?
It’s gotten to the point that I don’t post on Instagram and I hate seeing people in public.
I am embarrassed and I am ashamed.
People looked up to me, the still do, and I have definitely let them down.
It’s a lot of pressure.
A lot.
I will get there, eventually.
This is just yet another bump, big bump if I might add, in this crazy journey so far.
So I guess I have a question for anybody that might be reading this.
What’s your way of getting back on track?
Of crawling out of the hole that never seems to have a way out of?
I know it's not impossible.
I know that.
I've come so far...


 photo signature_zps875a1fd2.jpg

8 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Marcy, don't for one single minute think that we are disappointed in you. One of the things that is so great about you is that you show us the real journey...good and bad. That is the side of weight loss that so many of us can relate to. Sometimes it is going great and we feel like we can concur the world and then there are the times when we are knocked down a few pegs and we feel doomed. The important thing is that we pull ourselves up and get back on the wagon. We are human, we hit obstacles and yes sometimes we just love to eat ALL. THE. FOOD. I am down 25 lbs and can't budge even though I have like 55 more to go...why? Because I too, love to eat.and I am famous at sabotaging myself...I have it down to an art form. Keep your chin up, you can do it...and yes, we are still here cheering you on!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have been wondering how you have been doing, especially with the new job. I'm sorry that you've hit a bump in the road, but it is NOTHING to be ashamed of. You've still worked so hard to get where you are now, and you can kick this bump in the road in it's ass. How do you get started again? You just do. It's important to you, and you know it is. Keep that in mind when your emotions are telling you otherwise. I have faith in you, and I can't wait to hear your comeback story.

    You've got this.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I try not to look back at where I failed and dwell on it for too long. Sometimes we all get down, and like you....I like to eat for any emotion. The important thing is, just made a good decision today. Maybe take a walk tonight or do 30 crunches on the floor while you are waiting for dinner to cook. Maybe replace your lunch tomorrow with a salad. Just a few small steps back into the right direction. Don't let your digression get in the way of your progression!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am so happy to see this! We all know that you know exactly how to get your ass in gear!! So what you've had a bad couple of months? We've all had a bad couple of months, or bad YEARS even. However we all jump back on the boat so we dont drown. You can do it, we all know you can, and yes, we are all here still listening :o)

    ReplyDelete
  6. First and foremost, I agree so much with everyone who also commented. You just pick yourself up and get back to it. There's no easy way to go about it but know that we are here for you! It is effing hard. If it was easy, we'd all be skinny little twigs!

    ReplyDelete
  7. and here you are with the admission that you are aware of it, and the desire to get back at it.
    that's HUGE already.
    I don't think anyone who has ever had any struggle with food or weight or anything really are able to judge you (which they aren't, I promise! nobody else noticed 20lbs!!)

    We are here for you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Aww sweetie! I want to travel to you and give you a hug! You are an amazing woman and sometimes t hings in life take the front seat over a healthy lifestyle. I agree with everyone who has commented thus far. You are still an inspiration to all of us. I am in a rut right now too - we will do this!

    Join my challenge in September! I find that challenges help when I am having a tough time.

    ReplyDelete