Friday, April 12, 2013

The Ups and Downs

 
Sometimes when I am getting down on myself about my weight I have to take a step back and punch myself in the face look into my past.
I do this to see exactly where I was and exactly how far I have come...
 
I have touched on it before but I have thought I was overweight since a small child.
I am talking probably a good four or five years of age.
I would look down at my legs and wonder why they were so much bigger than all of my other friends.
In all reality they weren't any bigger at all.
I can remember loving to dance so much...
But hating what we had to wear.
Because I was fat and didn't look right...
And then you hit awkward teenage years that spiral you out of control.
 
I don't have any good pictures of me right now from my later high school days just take my word for it.
I was tiny.
 But I was NEVER tiny enough...
 
 
 Fast forward to Marcy at 24 years of age when I met Kevin.
I was actually MUCH heavier than I am now.
March 2009 and tippn' the scales at a whopping 185 pounds.
Here I was happy and I didn't care on the outside.
On the inside I was a scared insecure little girl.
During this time I was CONSTANTLY asking Kevin if he was going to leave me.
Accusing him of doing so actually.
I mean who can love a big girl like me?
He reminds me all the time, especially when I am having an insecure day, that he fell in love with me at one of my heavier times...
He will always love me.
 
June 2009
190 pounds.
I remember for he took this picture I told him not to take it of my lower half.
I did this for obvious reason.
 
 
August 2009
195 pounds.
Pitifully hiding behind my babies.
 
 
My birthday.
September 11th of 2009
I will never forget this day.
I had bought a pair of cute holey jeans at Target a couple of weeks prior.
They were tight.
I couldn't even zip them but I was determined to wear them for my birthday.
I did.
They were lose.
I had started watching what I was eating and managed to lose about 10 pounds.
Rocking the scale at about 185 pounds.
I thought I looked good...
 
End of September of 2009
I fell back of the wagon hard and very quickly.
Back up the 10 pounds I had just lost.
195 pounds yet again.
 
A pretty day at the end of October and I had managed to lose five pounds.
190 pounds.
Notice a trend here?
 
Middle of November 2009 198 pounds.
I remember this day because I cried when I stepped off the scale.
If you have ever been in these situations you don't forget these moments.
Bad or good.
 
End of November 2009
Holding my baby niece.
200 pounds exactly.
 
End of December 2009
205 pounds.
 
Even thought I hate it I feel like it's a must to show this picture.
It makes me cringe to see all those double chins staring back at me.
 
St. Patty's Day Dance March 16th of 2010
I had lost some weight.
Some major weight actually.
I was 180 pounds and feeling pretty good!
 
Easter 2010
Back up to 185.
 
End of April 2010
190 pounds.
 
Middle of May 2010
180 pounds.
 
July 4th of 2010
179 pounds.
PS I had to throw in a picture with my stash on and good lawddd where did those boobs go?!
{insert sad face}
 
End of August 2010
175 pounds.
 
End of November 2010
Back up to 185 pounds.
 
New Year's Eve 2010
203 pounds.
It may not look like it in the picture but I was.
...and I was miserable.
Oh and did I mention I was getting married in four months?
 
St. Patricks Day Dance 2011
I was 183 and had lost 20 pounds.
Little did I know I would be having surgery the next week to have my gallbladder removed.
Which would turn out to be a blessing in the weight loss department.
 
My Bachy Party the weekend before my wedding April 23, 2011
165 pounds.
To say I felt amazing was an understatement.
I was seeing numbers on the scale I hadn't seen since I was 19.
 
Considering it's my Anniversary month I couldn't go without showing you some wedding photos.
April 29th, 2011.
159 pounds.
 
It was short lived.
By the time July hit I was back up to 178 pounds and hiding behind my family again.
 
We were trying for Baby B and when I finally got pregnant at the end of October I was already overweight.
By the time it was all said and done I was 265 pounds.
P was born on July 25th 2012 and I knew from the very minute she popped herself out of my lady bits that was it.
I had simply had enough.
 
August 11th, 2012
I had dropped 30 pounds pretty quickly.
 
September 8th, 2012
Roughly 215 pounds.
The weight was still dropping off quickly but there was a lot of pain behind this smile.
This picture was taken the day of my surprise birthday party.
Which turned out to sadly be the worst birthday I have ever had.
I was SEVER post-partum, NOBODY understood me, and the baby WOULDN'T quit crying.
 
Lets fast forward to New Years of this year because my ADHD is all over the place and I have to do some actual work here soon...
I had just won a diet bet.
Lost weight during Christmas.
And was weighing in at 170 pounds.
For the first time in a LONG time I felt thin, happy, and confident.
 
January 31st
Weighing in at 160 pounds.
I weighed a pound more than I did on my wedding day BUT the dress was really loose!
 
Almost two weeks ago.
Reds Opening Day 2013
Weighing in at 175
 
Truths.
I go up and down A LOT.
I finally feel like I am at a place in my life though that is a good place to be.
I know what needs to be done and how to get there.
 
I may be back up in weight but I don't feel like I am overweight.
I am still happy and I am still confident.
I am working out on the regular I am just not necessarily eating how I should be.
 
I am still having a hard time sticking to inputting and finishing my day on My Fitness Pal but I will get there.
 
As most of you know I signed up for Fort4Fitness Half Marathon that I will be running at the end of September (my birthday month) with some AMAZING ladies.
Training for that starts at the beginning of May.
I'm ready.
Initially I was wanting to blow chunks every time I thought about it.
Today.
Today I say BRING IT ON MUTHA FUCKA'S!
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AND IF YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY...

22 comments:

  1. 4 year old Marcy!!!! I die! I love the leotard & tights!!! I just want to pinch your thighs!!!

    True BFF status right here! We were totally in each others heads as we wrote this post!

    Lets get skinny & stay skinny together!

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  2. keep on keepin on!! Girlie you will get there!! You look great and I love that smile. We all have our ups and downs, but I have confidence in you that it will be more downs than ups from here on out!! Go get em girl! Plus you are funny as shit, so just keep laughing and enjoying life.

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  3. You are doing awesome girly and you look fantastic!

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  4. I love you and I think you are gorgeous, no matter what the scale says! I can't wait to hug your skinny self come September!

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  5. I absolutely love your posts. You're so honest and I love keeping up with your journey. You're gorgeous and you radiate confidence, which I lack all the time. Thank you for being an inspiration!

    Samantha

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  6. I love your honesty, Marcy! You my dear are an inspiration! I realize sometimes it's hard to stay confident but you look fantastic and you're doing amazing.

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  7. Great post - I love you Marcy baby..... Up and down is the story of my life. AND... just so you know - you keep me motivated:)

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  8. Pic everyone fluctuates. . U have came such a long way. Im so super proud of u. U look amazeballs!!!!!

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  9. You got this Marcy! At least you get in pictures. I hate, hate, hate pictures of myself. Like, if you do it, I will probably punch you in the face. I am so sick of hiding behind my babies and husband. But, I am working on it. So, yes, you will be seeing more pictures of me :)

    and btw -- When ever you are ready to get rid of your fat clothes, send them my way :) :) :)

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  10. Loved this post. Can't wait to come run with you in Fort!

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  11. I reall love this post. I cried. I'm experiencing this right now. Knowing how I felt in early grade school, always feeling fat. And I can timeline my photos from the last several years. Thank you so much for sharing! You are inspiring! I hope other find this post as much as inspiration that I did. Thank you so much for sharing!

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  12. Letmejustsay that you look AMAZING!! You are doing great!! Oh how I have missed the blog world and laughing my ass off at your posts on the daily ;)

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  13. This is my story too as I am sure many others as well. I know exactly what you feel. The yo yo dieting just sucks big time. I always think, what if I can never over come this? What if I am still having this same fight with myself at 50. I tell myself no way.....but it still scares me. I wish I could give you a big hug!!! Lets do this once and for all!! Keep going girl.

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  14. OMG You are so amazing..you really are and I know I tell you that alot but you are. I struggle the same way. My weigh goes from 155-170 all the time. I can not get back to the weight I want but it is because I won't do it.

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  15. This seriously made me tear up. I totally feel you in all these aspects I have got down to 163 now I'm back to 171 and everyday is a struggle for me and to try and make the right choices. Out of all the weight loss blogs I've read our stories connect so well and I can relate to this. We got this girl. We just need to take our big personalities and put them in slimmer bodies lol...

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  16. Girl, you are beautiful at any weight!!!

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  17. You are so pretty! I feel you on the whole up and downs, I am the same way as well. Thank you for sharing this with us.

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  18. Great post! I really love your honesty.

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  19. I just read your post here! I love it! I do the same damn thing and it frustrates me tremendously! To know someone else is in the same boat helps! I just wish I would quit sabotaging myself! You are gorgeous and are doing fantastic! Glad you finally feel like you are in a great spot of your life!

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  20. You are Amazing! I love you girl, thanks for your honesty if anyone shows life isn't rainbows and unicorns it is you and I LOVE IT!
    Myranda

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  21. Catching up here in blogland...I would say from your experience and mine, the scale doesn't know how you're doing but your clothes do. If they're loose fitting, then you are doing fantastic. Mine are loose fittings and it feels awesome! Esther Norine Designs estherdavison@gmail.com

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