Friday, March 8, 2013

People always tell me...


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First off aren't they cute as stick people?
Anyways...
I knew when my Pimpette otherwise known to most of you as Holly was doing a link-up I just had to participate.
It's part of my duties to thank her for sponsoring and pimping my ass.
Then insert Jakey-Poo.
I feel like I can already refer to him as that considering we both have the very same favorite word.
FUCK.
Where has he been all my life?
Funny thing about blogging isn't it?!
 
So all ya gots' to do is link-up with their awesome faces and then answer the following questions.
Hell you don't even have to answer all of them if you don't want to!
 
 

1. People always tell me....
I am funny.
I get it at least once a day...
I have NO idea why.
Maybe it's from the crazy ass posts I write about my weight loss.
Apparently people like people that are trying to make themselves healthy.
They also like it when you make it funny and put it in real life form.
Real is definitely what you will get around here...
Kinda like the time Nancy Fucking Clue had me guest post for her.
Or maybe it's the crazy ass pictures I post of myself on a regular basis.

or this beauty from last night on IG...

Most of the time with a beer in toe except you won't find one in my hands right now because I decided it would be a good idea to hop on the 10 day cleanse with errryybody.
Side note:  I do feel amazing so as much as I bitch I am thankful.

Or they tell me I am nice and cute.
Granted I am in #operationgetfuckingmilfstatusmode not cute but I will take it.
It's better than telling me I look like a long distance relative of Mama June...
In all seriousness.
I'm just real.
I am me.
What you see is what you get and you guys obviously see that around these parts!

 
2. In the movie based on my life...
There would be a lot of cursing and a starring a woman that is constantly struggling to keep her head above water most days.
All about how she marched through the darkness and one day found her light.
Someone who battled a split home as a child, struggled with weight {and still continues to I might add}, wearing her heart on her sleeve, lots of loss, an unsuccessful marriage...
It all turned around though when she finally met her own personal prince charming.
Now living out her own "his, mine, and ours" story.
Full time working Mama who loses her shit most days out of pee on the toiled and toothpaste left in the sink.
A self proclaimed reality tv junkie who loves to blog, loves people, and has found out she actually has potential to be an athlete.
Basically just your typical badass Mama of three girls and an amazing Husby who makes me lose my shit on a regular basis.
 
 
3. Typically, I end up regretting....
The three oatmeal cream pies I have been known to scarf down before heading to bed on occassion...
 Then this happens...

...and it's instantly regretted.
 
4. I always ask to leave off the....
Nothing.
I love all the damn fixins hence the reason I have an inner fat girl that's constantly trying to polke at me...
 Memba I looked like this just a short time ago...

Whoof.
 
 
5. Kim and Kanye really...
Piss me the fuck off and get on my ever last nerve.
The end.
PS Just one more thing... NOBODY FUCKING CARES.

 
6. My Parents always reminded me...
Well my biological hookah Mom {HI MOM!} would remind me that I am super fucking awesome and she is jealous of how amazing my life has turned out.
She loves me and is glad that she never reproduced anymore children because no other child could compare to how fucking AMAZING I am.
Right Mom?
...and coming from my Father or Step Mammy I am the favorite child.
With two younger brothers that are ADHD and just fucking crazy...
Their boys what more can I say?
So basically I am just amazing and ya...

 
7. Every single day I.....
 Brush my toofers.
I do live in Kentucky but I want to make fo' damn sure I keep all my originals.
I hope you do as well or we just simply can't be friends because that's fucking nasty.
 

 
8. This one time in College..
Considering college ended up not being for me and I only managed to make it through the first three weeks {ya...} I died my hair three times in one week.
To me that's fucking crazy.
...and I wonder what the fuck has been going on with my hair?
Lion's mane.

 
9. My grossest habit is...
Belching.
Especially when I drink my liquid courage carbonated deliciousness.
Otherwise known as Michy...

Or eating avocado raw right out of it's shell...
Ya I get a lot of Ewww's from that but I am not sure if it's a habit or not?
I just eat that shit like it's my job.
...and brussel sprouts.
I could eat this every.single.day.
 

 
10. My latest white lie was...
I can seriously tell you that I don't tell lies.
I just don't.
...and if I do try to you can tell I am lying so what's the point.
One time though in First Grade {this was obviously after my parents split} I told my teacher that my Mom died in a really bad car accident and my Dad had to take care of me and my twelve other brother and sisters.
Okay you must remember at the time I had no other siblings and my Mom was alive and kicking...
I have no idea why?
I was six ok...

Oh I have told my Husband Aunt Flo was visiting before just so I could sleep instead of sexy time.
Sleep is important.
I have a baby memba???

 
11. I know all the words to...
There are seriously too many to count...
But here is a video just to show you my amazing singing abilities...

Oh and while I am at it why not show you how I can back that ass up...
Holly I know your essited for April!!!!

Basically I know all the words to Ice Ice Baby, I like Big Butts DUH, Pour Some Sugar On Me...
Or anything by my boyfrannns Jason Aldean, Luke McSexy Bryan, or Eric Church.
 

12. When I grow up...
What you talkin' about Willis...
I ain't eva gonna do that so I can't answer it.


...and neither will my PIC obviously LOL

 
13. Sexy time is...
Whenever we aren't too tired.
Mainly whenever I am not, too tired.
Husband is ALWAYS in the mood.
If you remember I do have a Golden Pussy...
And he also practically attacks me when I dress up like a hick and wear overalls...
I will NEVER understand this but whatevs.
 
 
 
14. I will never, ever...
Cheat on my Husband.
Like ever.
I have had it done to me.
I know the pain.
It will never happen.
EVER...
{insert Taylor Swift singing voice}
 
15. I think it's hilarious...
When people proceed to read my blog and then bash me via the Internet.
Really?



PS I will leave y'all with this...
I have actually ran a 13.1 miler race.
Except I didn't train for it.
I walked a lot of it...
So I really feel like I can't brag much.
Plus there was nobody really there to support me.
The next one that I do there WILL be support.
But I still don't give myself enough street cred...

HAHA OF COURSE I WOULD CELEBRATE WITH WINE AND I WAS AROUND 190 HERE CIRCA NOVEMBER 2010.

18 comments:

  1. I won the belching contest 4 years in a row, in high school! Yep, and I am still a big ole belching pig!! BTW- this was at a a Lutheran school, so inappropriate! :)

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  2. now i really want a box of oatmeal creme pies. shiiiit.

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  3. Like my post, my comment will be equally as lengthy.
    1. you're hilarious.
    2. glad you found your light.
    7. I have been know to go all weekend without brushing my teeth. perhaps that's why I am single. But I have never had a cavity.
    10. The Aunt Flo lie is cruel. You women know how we feel about that..

    Thanks for linking up with us!

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  4. I bout pissed my pants when I saw your Mama June comparison last night on IG - funny shit! Girl you are friggin hilarious, love reading your blog. Avocado out of the shell - NASTAY WOMAN!! Love me some guac though! Holla! Have a good weekend girly!

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  5. YOu are so fucking amazing!! You make me smile on days I am having shitty days!! Thanks for this sassy pants mama!

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  6. I love the description of the movie based on your life - I'd watch! You need to get yourself an agent!

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  7. NUMBER FIVE!!! GOD DAMMIT NUMBER FIVE!!! YES!!!!

    Also... guess who just signed up for her first 5k?!
    Yeah, I'm freaked.

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  8. I bet u that u cant write a blog without saying -typically-basically-exactly-etc....

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  9. Oh and seriously

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  10. I loved this post! You are too funny. I def missed the link up memo today! Hope you have a great weekend!

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  11. LMAO... Have I told you today that I love you? Girl you are awesome and always have me laughing..

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  12. Does he prefer the overalls with or without the Mama June face? I kid, I kid!

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  13. Hahaha! I found you and you are making me LMAO like you always do on IG!

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  14. Hi!! Visiting from the link up and love your blog! You are hilarous!!

    I'm hosting a great giveaway right now...and have 3 more coming this month. So make sure you stop by and become my newest friend! Hope to see you!! :)
    www.jaxandmarbles.blogspot.com

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  15. I love avo straight from the shell and Brussel sprouts. Also know the words to baby got back. That was one of my answers too...lol :)

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  16. So true about Kim and Kanye, right?! And avacado out of the shell? Psshh, right there with ya, girl!

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  17. I am a belcher too lol my hubs always says " and she's all mine" In a sarcastic tone lol. My hubs is also obsessed w overalls! He kept begging me to wear them when I was pregnant! Wth?? Lol

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  18. You kill me! And it hurts to laugh because I have been getting off my fat ass and working out. In the privacy of my own home of course. Don't need to be the gossip of the neighborhood! :)I think I made it through 3 weeks of College 3 different times. lol It wasn't for me either. I share your love of avocado too! Love following you on IG and seeing your weigh loss progress. You have inspired me to work harder at it!

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