Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Keepn' it real...

I have never been good at lying.
I guess that's a good thing.
So around here you will find me spitting a lot more truth than anything else.
Oh and keepn' it real...
I will never sugar coat anything to make you think that things around here are constantly perfect.
It's not real life people.
Is my life perfect for me?
...but it's not perfect, I am not perfect, NOBODY is perfect.
If you think you are perfect then you might as well part ways with me here.
Since my brother left for rehab on Friday I have internally been an absolute basket case.
For the most part I can hide it really well but I am started to rip at the seams.
I hurt.
I cry, a lot.
...and I have eat us out of house and home since then.
I haven't been tracking what I am eating and I just haven't cared much.
I am still working out so that is a positive but you can't lose weight if you aren't eating right as well...
Two weeks ago I was on a high from losing 101 pounds...
This week...
This week I am back up 10 pounds.
Yes, 10 pounds.
I can look at food and gain weight I think.
Last night I finally weighed in for the Diet Bet that I am doing with Miss Viva Las Vegas so I have the picture proof.
I was zooming in on Photoshop and… this happened.
Pay no attention to my chipped Flinstone feet and those specs of dirt on the floor.
I am telling you I am off of my game but I am back on the horse today...
Saddle and all.
I am here to tell you that we all have our hard times.
This shit is something I am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life.
It's just figuring out how to handle each situation that arises.
I know that turning to food for comfort is wrong.
I was given some amazing advice last night and I am going to take it starting today.
They told me anytime I felt the urge to eat to fill the pain I am feeling...  get out a journal and write to my brother.
Write to him.
Tell him everything I am going through and maybe when he gets out give it to him.
I just miss my brother y'all.
Sammy and I have always had such a strong bond.
I haven't been around much just for the simple fact of his behavior and me not wanting my children to see their Uncle {whom they adore so much} like that.
I don't want to see him like that.
Starting today I am going to track every.single.thing. I put into my body.
I don't care if it's a stick of gum.
I WILL track it.
I have committed to no less than 12 8 oz. glasses of water a day.
I am going to try my hardest to stick with this whole "clean eating" thing but not totally deprive myself.
Depriving yourself gets you nowhere in the end.
And I am going to work out 5-6 days out of the 7 day week for AT LEAST a half hour but shooting for obviously more than that.
I will make this work.
I will get to my goal weight.
I will be a healthier better version of who I am today!
And even when I am at my absolute worst my Husby knows how to make me crack a smile...

PS go check out Miss Viva Las Vegas' blog if you haven't done so already!  She is giving some of her favorite things!!!  GO ENTER!
Also go visit Myranda and help her out by doing two easy peasy short surveys that would be AWESOME!!!



  1. You can do it! YOu are one of the most amazing bloggers I have met! I know this is a rough time..I have been through it my self with a family member. Let me know if you need anything!

  2. I know what you mean girl. Is it a younger bro or older? I am having a real hard time with my little bro being in boot camp. I have not seen or talked to him (execpt through 3 letters) since Jan 7th! I do NOT know how to handle this and I had no idea how hard it would be! Just knowing I cant call him and check on him, plus I try not to but I worry about him. I know it wreaks havoc on you emotionally. I hope you feel better but I really have no good advice, just dealing with it myself. I have packed on about 5 lbs myself. NOT happy. Good luck to us both lol

  3. Hey girl I would like to email you privately. What is your email address.. I can fill you in on how I felt when this happened to me a year ago... HUGS and LOVE is what I am sending.

  4. Keep your chin up pretty lady. I know that this is hard for you.

  5. Hang in there sweets. I'm always here if you need me, you have a big crowd of people on your side. love ya girl!

  6. oh honey!
    I know seeing 10 lbs back on the scale was depressing.
    I'm using My Fitness Pal {jennadk} find me and lets keep each other accountable!

  7. You WILL make it through this! You are strong. And honestly some of that weight gain is probably due to stress. Whenever I am super stressed my cortisol levels always keep weight on. Hang in there! And thanks for keeping it real, I think it makes you easier to relate to.

  8. I love you sweet girl! We ALL fall!! I have many times! But look at all these amazing followers you have, to help get you back on track. Don't ever beat yourself up for giving in to what your body needs at certain times Sometimes, we need comfot from food, to feel a little better. NO ONE knows what it is like to walk in your shoes, but you. Don't let what the scale says, get you down. Let it just be a tiny little reminder that you were just out having fun and living life and when you are can get back up on that horse! You know you can email me or fb or text me anytime! Honey I have been there, done that, so many fucking times! I think you are AMAZING and appreciate SO MUCH, your honesty and how real you are! xoxoxo

  9. You are awesome! I have been having an emotional crappy week as well and put on about 8-9 lbs from my lowest weight ever. I was so pumped about hitting that number but I've let my emotions overrule my eating. You have inspired me to GET IT TOGETHER today. Thank you for that.

    I'm so sorry for what you are going through with your brother right now but I think that journaling idea is a great one. I'm going to borrow it as well. We can do this girl. You have inspired me so much with your journey and your posts. Thank you for always being honest and putting it out there! Lots of love xoxo

  10. The writing is a great idea. I keep a private blog where I write the things that aren't for public viewing. Know you've got a lot of us bitches behind you. I've got you and Sammy in mind today.

  11. Stopping by from the WIW link-up. I just wanted to say that I totally get it! My brother went through rehab about four years ago and it was so stressful. I think that writing him a letter every time you want to comfort yourself with food is a great idea. I know my brother really appreciated getting letters from us while he was away. It's funny--we all self-medicate in some way. Some turn to food and others...not-food. I really hope this turns into a positive experience for your family.

  12. I think writing to your brother is a fantastic idea! It'll really allow you to channel your emotions in a constructive way instead of through food (I need to remember this idea for the future when I try to turn to food). Saying prayers for you and your brother!

  13. I am so sorry! You have been dealt a shit sandwich, and that is tough.
    But don't get down on yourself. 10 pounds can be a massive poop away. You look amazing! Think of how proud your brother will be when he comes home to a smoking hot sister!!

    Love you!!

  14. Your honesty is so refreshing. We all struggle from time to time! You'll come back from this, don't worry! Refocus and recharge!

  15. I totally look at food and gain too! But, you got this!! I sent you a private email also... Now, go kick some ass!!

  16. Writing is a great idea. I am so sorry you are going through this, but work through the pain and don't let it get you down.

  17. The whole writing thing is amazing and that is what I would have said to do as well! you can so do this. We all fall short of something all the time! Just dust your pretty little self off and get back to it!!!!

  18. thanks for always being real even when it isn't easy to be

  19. Thinking of you and keeping you and your family in my prayers. XOXO

  20. I love that you keep it real thats why you haz mi digitz!

  21. I love your honesty- its very refreshing. I've been through similar life events that made me turn to things that weren't healthy but being able to hold yourself accountable is the best thing you can do for yourself. I had a long talk with my cousin last night about how we all need a cheat day or cheat meal every now and again or we will fall off the wagon hard.

    Thinking of you and your family!

  22. The journal is an excellent idea! I'm sorry for everything you're going through! Thinking of you!!

  23. Thinking of you and your fam. You can do this girl. :)

  24. I just wanted to say hang in there - I don't know your whole story about your brother and him being in rehab (I just landed on your blog today! Hi!) but my little brother was in rehab recently and a lot of crazy things have been going on and it's torn our family up - I also have two small children that I have no longer allowed him to see and be apart of their lives because of the decisions he is making. My point is, I know how you feel. If you ever want to talk to someone who has been there, feel free to shoot me an email.

    As far as your weight gain, give yourself a break. Times like these are trying and we all make mistakes and fall off the wagon. Just get back up and get after it. you've got this!

    Lacey @ CHARM + Sass

  25. Girl, I tried to find where I could email you but I'm no good at all this blog shit (I tried to blog and got overwhelmed with the where to put this and that...I digress). My little brother is a pain in the ass. He's made decisions that have literally made me want to shoot fire from ears I was so mad at him. I love him, God knows but he makes me so angry and upset sometimes I could just shake him. I enjoy reading all of her ramblings both positive and negative. You are funny as fuck and you are even funny when you're sad (that is an amazing quality). I'm going to send positive thoughts into the universe for you and your family. If that doesn't work...I'll drink a beer or two for you. Keep on sharing...because it keeps me entertained and lets me know that not everyone that is hot and skinny (like you) have their shit together. know what I mean...hopefully. <3

  26. Hang in there! You're an inspiration, even if you're up a little bit. It makes you REAL and NORMAL!

    Hope you have a wonderful day :)

    The Hartungs Blog

  27. Bish you have come sooooooo far. Nothing good ever comes easy right?!

    As for your brother, my god I can't imagine what you're feeling, but please know I'm sending him good thoughts from this hot ass desert I live in.

    Love you!!!!

  28. I really and truly want to hug you. I hope that this rehab ordeal helps your brother out... I think it is great that he has the courage to go to rehab and try recovery. That is a huge step. Sending love and sending strength to you all.

    I know exactly how painful/stressful/scary it is to have family with addiction problems... Absolutely hoping for the best for him.