Thursday, December 20, 2012

How I am managing to melt like a stick of butta on a hot summers day...

Before I get into this I just want to first point out that by no means am I an expert on anything, let alone weight loss.
Well I take that back...
I am an expert at being fucking awesome and downing a beer in less than a hot minute.
But that's neither here nor there and I am digressing.

Obviously what works for me may not work for you.
BUT...
After I was asked for the eleventeenthhundreth time I figured I would give you all my secrets.
Feel lucky.

I mean I know it's hard to believe that less than 6 months ago I was rocking this body...

Yes, that is in fact me...
In all of my 241fuckingpoundsof glory.
I know right Britty?
Get off me.

I cannot help the fact that I craved nothing but icing and raw cake mix the last month.
And I wanted COKE.
Real COKE.
Not Diet, Not Zero, a legit Coke with ice in a frosted glass.
I don't even like regular pop and I barely drink diet...
You get the idea.

I swore after seeing these pictures of myself that I was on a mission to rid myself of these nasty fat cells that were residing on every part of my body once and for all.

So I the following is what has worked for me:

The number 1 thing  for me is counting my calories.
I am to the point now where I pretty much know what I am eating and I guesstimate in my head.
If you are somebody that has to write it down I would use myfitnesspal.com or something to that affect.
It really does work.
You will be amazed when you realize what you are shoving into your pie hole.
At least I was.
Shit adds up quick.
I also eat no more than 1200 calories a day.
I truly believe that unless you are my workout role model Laura that is all you need.
Regardless of if you are a size 2 or a 22.
You won't change my mind.
If you are burning a ton of calories with workouts though you OBVIOUSLY need more fuel aka food.
Let's be honest though.
I am a full~time working Mama to three beautiful girls and one over grown man~child.
I have no time in my crazy hectic schedule to actually have a workout routine.
If you are like me then here is what has worked for me as far as a workout goes...
1.  Running around picking up after everyone in your house aka being OCD/Anal Retentive as hell.
2.  Going up and down your steps multiple times a day to do the endless pile of laundry that constantly resides on your laundry room floor.
3.  When you park at the store, park at the last spot, don't be one of those annoying idiots that waits five minutes for a spot blocking the entire aisle.
4.  Sex.  And not the kind of sex where your just laying there...
5.  And I always time find to stretch...  even if it's in the bathroom at my Husby's work Christmas Party...
Whatever works right?

This is basically it.
Every once in a while I will dance around with the kids or lift 19 lbs Miss P up in down in the air to work the chicken wangs out.
25 GIFs Of "Honey Boo-Boo Child" Alana On "Dr. Drew's Lifechangers"
But that is seriously it.
Will it come to a point where I will need to do more.
Yes.
But for now this is working and I am cool with that.

I also drink a shit~ton, and when I say shit~ton, that means AWHOLEFUCKINGLOT of H2theizzO.
Like all day.
The only thing I have other than that is coffee and beer with an occasional splash of wine.
Water is the key my friends.
Learn to like it.
I don't care if you have to load that shit up with a 0 calorie makemepleasefeellikeiamnotdrinkingwater type powder.
Do it.
Now quit bitching.
I still have my coffee.
I could not go a day without my own personal version of GoGo Juice.
25 GIFs Of "Honey Boo-Boo Child" Alana On "Dr. Drew's Lifechangers"
Just ask my Husby.
I load it up with my favorite Hazelnut creamer and some Sweet N Low.
AND DONT TELL ME THAT SHIT IS GOING TO GIVE MY CANCER.
I know.
Shitttttttttt... everything I use these days is so I might as well die doing and drinking something I lurve.
I also have beer.
Almost every weekend I at least have a few.
Everything in moderation people.
I also understand that if your body is used to nothing but regular pop you cannot quit cold turkey.
I have done that and I am telling you now don't do it.
Start off taking baby steps until you get to the point when you open up that Mt. Dew and take a swig you spit it out because you hate the taste.
That was me.
Believe what you will but I used to be able to drink 12 Mt. Dew's a day.
Not.even.kidding.

Marcy's Typical Day:
Hit snooze a bazillion times finally finding the energy to finagle myself out of bed.
Get ready for work all while trying to drink at least one, most of the time two, bottles of water.
Take the girls where they need to be and try to drink yet another bottle of water.
Stop to see my PIC and get my daily cup of GoGo Juice.
Get to work and I may add another cup of the GoGo Juice it just depends on how I am feeling.
Then it's nothing but water for the remainder of the day.
I drink as much as I can stand...
Do I get an occasional Diet Coke?
Yes, I would be lying if I said I didn't.
We all have to give in to our cravings at some point otherwise this whole thing would be a complete fail.
At least for me...
I never eat breakfast.
Before ya'll go GASP OMG SHE BETTA!!! DOESN'T SHE KNOW THAT'S GOING TO RUIN HER METABOLISM???
You might as well back up off my grill.
I have never been a breakfast eater.
Unless I am hungover and in need of some grease the only thing you will see me with in the mornings is my GoGo Juice.
25 GIFs Of "Honey Boo-Boo Child" Alana On "Dr. Drew's Lifechangers"
Remember this is what works for ME.
If you have to have breakfast just try to have something light ex. oatmeal, Special K bar, etc.
For lunch I will typically have a salad or soup.
Dinna just depends.
I try to eat bigger portions during the day and less once I get home at night.

I also weight myself every.single.day.
For me personally it keeps my ass in check.

And that's really it ya'll
There is no crazy mathematical formula.  No crazy workout routine.  No crazy food limitations.
It really is the water and the caloric intake.
I know you were probably expecting something crazy because I know you all think I am crazy but this is what I have been doing for the past five months.

And now I can be Betty the Braggn' Biotch via Instagram, Facebook, and now here.
{shameless self plug I know}
How ya'll look at me after you see these pictures...
Kidding.
Ya'll have been an AMAZING support system and my head is expanding by the minute!

So now five months later I am posting pictures like these.
{A pair of my favorite pants that I FINALLY had to retire when they fell down to my ankles in Kroger's}
{Started the The Diet Bet and this was the difference between weeks 1&2 haven't done week 3 yet}
{I just felt fucking skinny.  Doesn't happen often even with the weight loss}
{sweater dress}
{In a pair of size 10 jeans that haven't fit me for the last three Christmas seasons, and they were even roomy and I am also mean muggn' my chicken wangs}
Damn that Betty she really is a Bitch!


In all seriousness though...  If any of ya'll need support, advice, etc. I am here for you girls!
Anything!!!!

Stats:  241 lbs on 7/25 to today weighing in at 168 lbs and also going from a size 18 to a size 9/10

16 comments:

  1. I'm so proud of you! Such an inspiration! :)

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  2. Girl, this is just what I needed to read! I just got done drafting a post about my journey for tomorrow... it was hard to write, but I needed to get it out there! I hope that in a few months, I'll be in the same spot you're in now!

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  3. You go girl! Rock the shit out of that shit!

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  4. SO awesome!!! And so motivational!

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  5. OMG you are hilarious! I always laugh so hard reading your posts. Finally realistic weight loss tips and non of that cut out all solids and starve yourself for three days while exercising 10 hours nonstop crap.

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  6. Awesome. I love your sweater dress! Also, very true about the soda thing. I took a sip of my stepdaughters' Dr Pepper over the summer and was so grossed out!

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  7. You rock! You have made Amazing progress.

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  8. I think I fell in lurrrve with you. Needed this post today. Thanks lady!

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  9. You're such as ass kicker! Love it! And I laugh all the time at your housewife pictures...I'm a RHW whore so I can just hear them saying it. hahaha

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  10. This is awesome girl. You are ROCKING it and you look HAWT - so so so GREAT.

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  11. You look AMAZING!! You are such an inspiration! Happy for you!

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  12. You look awesome! Great job lady!!!

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  13. I love this and i am just starting on my weight loss journey so i would love some support!!! congrats!! You look amazeballs!

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  14. So awesome! You look fanfreakingtastic!

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  15. GIRL!!! I love your blog and you sound just like me!! I always say calories, water, weigh every day!!! You rock my socks off!! Love it!!!! You look amazing by the way, and Im sure it never gets old hearing that :)

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