Ever get really sad and you have no unearthly idea why?
Times when you feel like there is a constant rain cloud over your head but nothing has even happened.
I was fine all day yesterday.
Besides the stomach issues, etc. I did not have a bad day...
Even for a Monday!
I got to spend some one on one time with one happy baby girl and all was well.
I put her to bed and the sadness set in.
I just felt so low.
I wanted to go grab her and pull her out of her bed and just hold onto her.
But maybe I should have done that instead of what I actually did.
I ended up eating late because I was taking care of her.
I put myself on the back burner like most of us Moms usually do.
Husband was at darts so it was just me and a fully stocked kitchen.
I ended up finishing off some hot peanuts, a left over container of spaghetti and meat balls (about 1 1/2 cups), and a bowl of Birthday Cake Ice Cream.
I had zero will power last night and totally gave into my emotions.
The outcome being that I STILL feel like shit today.
I instantly felt awful after I put that last spoon full of ice cream into my mouth and swallowed.
Why have I come so far and still struggle with my emotional eating.
The saddest part is I don't know what I am sad about.
I have a loving Husband, three beautiful children, amazing family and friends, a gorgeous roof over my head, a job, etc.
I still can't really put my finger on it.
Sometimes I just expect too much out of myself.
I expect to be perfect 24/7.
I want to wake up tomorrow and be able to run 13.1 miles with no problem and have a bangin' body.
Sometimes I feel like I am putting in all this work for what?
I know I have come a long way but I still feel like I have such a long way to go.
And even when I get there...
It still won't be over.
It will never be over.
I will have to fight for this healthy body every.single.day. for the rest of my life.
Sometimes I just get tired of that.
Normally old me would have let last nights bad choices determine today's choices and I would end up having a weeks worth of bad choices...
Not this time.
Regardless of how crappy I feel I am putting one healthy foot in front of the other today.
Eat healthy and clean as possible.
Drink as much water as possible.
Run for my life...
Be happy and put a smile on my face, and mean it.
October 12th, 2012
Aug 10th, 2013
October 19th, 2012