Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Broken heart.

Weigh In Wedneday
 
Today I come to you with a broke heart and the smallest weight I have seen since my wedding day.
I got on the scale this morning and I weighed in at 162.
 
I know that I have worked hard but I would be lying if I didn't say that stress and poor health might be attributing to my weight loss right now.
 
I don't condone that what so ever and I am trying to stay strong and do what I can to fix it.
 
I kind of knew deep down what the results would be but I was trying to be optimistic.
My Husband used to tell me before I lost a majority of my weight that I was always so negative.
Not only was my weight physically holding me down it was emotionally holding me down as well.
Since I have lost the weight my attitude has been a lot better.
I was being way more positive.
Then I got the news that I did not want to hear last night.
 
Marcy, I am sorry, the chemo did nothing.
Your Pawpaw's cancer won the fight and it's worse than it was before.
The spots are more plentiful and larger.
He was the 1/3 statistic of people who get worse and not better.
Hospice will be in today to make him comfortable.
What?
Surely this isn't real...
The man who has always been my biggest fan, the strongest man I have known, and a constant in my life is becoming less and less with ever waking second.
 
Two words.
Fuck cancer.
{totally getting this tattoo.  Not the exact same one but something close}
 
Sorry for the Debbie Downer weigh in post.
 
Just pray that I can keep myself together.
Pray that I can continue to stay healthy during this whole process.
Pray that I can stay strong for my family, especially my children.
Mostly pray for Pawpaw.
That he find peace and comfort in all of this...

21 comments:

  1. No amount of words will ever take away the sting of this news... so I'll just say that I'll be praying for you pretty girl. Keep your head up.

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  2. Oh Marcy I am so sorry... praying for peace and comfort for your whole family! xo

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  3. Oh sweetie, I'm so very very sorry about the news of your sweet Pawpaw. You guys will be in my thoughts. ((((HUGS))))

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  4. So, so sorry to hear this . . . virtual hugs.

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  5. I am so sorry Marcy. Keeping a positive attitude all the time is not easy and really, not possible. You are allowed to hurt. You are allowed to cry and feel this pain. Only then once you have can you return to being a light and being positive. I will be praying for your family.

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  6. Praying for all of you....love you, my friend. xoxo

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  7. Thinking about you and your family today darlin.

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  8. I'm so sad for you girl. I will say to enjoy the time you have, cherish every moment, and remember you have many people in your life face to face and through the internet that love you and that will be praying for you and your family. Hugs to you girl. Thoughts and prayers are sent your way.

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  9. No words. Just lots of love coming your way.

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  10. Sending you hugs Marcy!! Lots of love to your family!

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  11. So sorry. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

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  12. I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. Cancer is such a fucking bitch! I cannot wait for the day they find a cure for that fucker and kick it in it's ass... sorry for the strong language but Cancer has taken some people very dear to me as well - I watched it slowly take my grandpa last year and it's just not fair. I will keep you and your family in my prayers! You enjoy everyday you still have with your PawPaw and don't let Cancer take your joy - cherish every moment with him and keep on making memories that Cancer can never take away from you!

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  13. Praying for your Pawpaw. Cancer is a hard thing to go through, for the patient and the family. Know that there are people that are here for you.

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  14. Marcy, I am so sorry for the news that you received. I myself had to deal with Cancer with my mom and there was no treatment. I want to send you hugs and prayers and even though it isn't fair continue to keep an open dialogue with God. For only God knows his plans for us and will always be there to hold you up in your time of need. Sending hugs and prayers your way.

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  15. So sorry to hear about your PawPaw. Cherish this time you have left with him and make the most of it.

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  16. I cried reading your IG post last night. I'm so sorry to hear this. Cancer has taken and affected too many people in my life. Fuck Cancer is 100% right.
    Praying for comfort for your pawpaw & strength for you and the rest of your family.
    xoxo

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  17. I just went through this with my Grammy last week. She was my last living grandparent, and it hit me really hard. I posted about it and took to the Bible for comfort. If you check out the end of my blog, I listed some of my favorite Bible verses. I pray they give you peace. BIG hugs, Marcy; I know it sucks. http://www.mommytrilogy.com/2013/09/finding-comfort-in-sorrow.html

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  18. I love you Marcy. I don't know you personally but you shine through your blog & it makes me feel like I do.
    I am praying for you & your family during this hard time. Cancer is such a horrible devil. Keep strong. Lots of prayers & hugs your way.

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  19. I'm so deeply sorry. Cancer is a horrible disease. My Grandfather passed 2 years ago of Cancer and losing someone you love so much is such a painful process. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.

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  20. I'm so sorry to hear about your PawPaw...cancer is an awful awful disease. I've lost too many people to it, and seen so many affected. My friend that lives in Arizona started a company called Fight United after his dad passed away from cancer. Check out their apparel: http://www.fight-united.com/
    If it's any solace I will certainly say a prayer for him!

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  21. Hun I don't even know what to say. I lost my grandpa and last week we lost a family friend to cancer. It fucking sucks. I am so sorry you are hurting and I wish I could make it all better. I am sending you a big ass hug. love you!

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