Wednesday, November 20, 2013

The fat friend...

Pretty Strong Medicine
It was sometime around the fifth grade...
My Mother dressed me up in a yellow dress and I was called Big Bird for the day.
They laughed because they thought they were funny.
I laughed to mask the pain.

It was sometime around seventh grade...
We were at the mall.
The cutest boy I had ever laid eyes on yelled, "Hey!  Come back here!"
I turned around before my friend and he said, "Not you!  Your skinny friend..."
She giggled.
I went home and cried myself to sleep that night.

These are several of the very painful "fat friend" experiences I have had.
I have always been heavier than the people I have been surrounded around.
Okay maybe I wasn't but I was always teased like I was.
Words hurt.
I am here to tell you THEY REALLY FUCKING HURT.

My goal after I had Payton was initially to no longer be the "fat friend."
Sounds extremely silly to me now and I can assure you none of my friends have ever called me fat.
Even if they may have thought it they have always been super sweet and never failed to compliment me.
I just could never get that stereo type of myself out of my head.
Hell I still have days that I feel like I weigh those dreaded 265 pounds.
I am not sure if those random days will ever leave me but they are few and far between.
What I do know now is that even if I am not a size 4 that it's okay.
I no longer care if I am the "fat friend."
I am way beyond that.
Now I just want to be able to run longer and faster.
I want to lift more weight.
I basically want to be the bad ass Mom that everybody else only dreams of being.
Not saying you can't be that.
It's just what I aspire to be.

I will no longer let the "fat friend" scenario play in my head.
It's in the past and that is where I am leaving it.
It's really time to focus on the future and what is to come.
It's so bright I think I need sunglasses y'all...

I didn't step foot on the scale today after my horrible weigh in the other day.
I won't until I weigh in at the doctor tomorrow.
Unfortunately I really don't think I hit my 15?
I am okay with that though.
I am still working out extremely hard I just need to clean up my diet even more.
I know what it takes.
I know what works for me.
It WILL be done!
It's hump day and I've never worn this shirt hellooooooop NSV PS I MEAN IVE NEVER WORN IT BECAUSE IVE NEVER FIT MYSELF INTO IT


  1. I can relate to this whole post! You are looking great :)

  2. You are my personal motivator, for real! Keep it up, you look AMAZING. And I'm not just saying that in the, "say something nice to keep her going" way, I mean it.

  3. You're looking awesome! The shirt's fitting well too.

  4. You look great. (((HUGS))) bullies suck. That is all.