Thursday, December 19, 2013

Fat ghosts of Christmas past...

Bare with me...
I know this is just a proof of a picture but even the writing across the picture could not hide my fifteen chins and my fake uncomfortable smile.  
At least the kids looked cute...
Besides being pregnant this was the heaviest I had been in a LONG TIME.
I guess it's true what they say sometimes...
You get happy and then you get fat!
First Christmas as a family.
The same Christmas we became engaged.
Lots of happy memories but I was so uncomfortable.
I never even felt cute showing off my new shiny bling!

Just down right unhealthy.
A lot of yo you dieting that never worked.
And I ate.
I ate a lot...

Just three words that automatically come to my head.
Let me also remind you I was only roughly two months pregnant in this picture...
Ya chew on that for a minute.

Feeling much better as I had lost about 85 pounds here since having Payton.
Not many Christmas pictures taken because our entire house came down with some sort of stomach bug!

Although I don't have any pictures of me on Christmas Day I figured we were close enough ;)
Sitting at my lowest weight (still 160 I weighed myself for the last time for the next two months last night) and feeling better than I have in any of those previous pictures.
I was the girl that gained AT LEAST ten pounds over the holidays.
I didn't work out.
I was secretly sad.
I say that because I had a very convincing smile.
I loathed the holidays because of all the treats.
I literally would sit there torturing myself.
Wanting to eat so badly, eating, and then regretting it to the point sometimes I made myself sick afterwards.
My mind has been so poisoned for so long.
Some days it still is.
It's a learning process.
It's a growing process.
I have told y'all a thousand times I am not at the end of my journey.
Hell I don't think I ever will be.
Knowing me I will always be fighting.
But I would rather die a fighter than a quitter.
So that's why each day I pick myself back up (sometimes literally off the floor) and move forward.
One foot in front of the other.
People always say...
That's your problem.
You have it all wrong.
Just start right now.
And if you are like me you will try to over think it.
It's not rocket science.
First of all put a smile on your face and be happy.
Be thankful for all that is around you.
Simply move around.
I, myself, committed to at least a mile a day for the next month.
It doesn't have to be that big or it can be a bigger goal than that.
Just do something!
Drink your water.
Eat what you want just in moderation!
I know it sounds crazy but it's really that simple.
And quit focusing on the numbers.
I have to do this myself, too.
I was getting so fixated on the numbers on the scale, my caloric intake, and my calories burned.
I need a mental break.
We all do.
Just relax.
Enjoy the holidays.
But be happy and merry!


  1. I love these!!!! You have come such a long way doll! And you're GORGEOUS! Needed the encouragement too....I fell off the wagon, getting back on NOW :) <3

  2. I have had my down moments and up moments this holiday season. Sometimes, I think my mind is against me. Reminding me of what I used to look like and tricking me into believing I still look that way. I felt fat Tuesday and Wednesday this week. No real reason as to why but I know my nutrition hasn't been spot on. I can tell you the journey will never end. We will always need to fight to stay healthy. I also believe that we will both be on top reaching for the stars. You are an amazing motivator for me and I want you to know that you look awesome! Merry Christmas!