Transformation Tuesday 9/9/2014

I really don't think too many words are needed today...

PS...

I know I am a major goof ball but if you are serious everyday of your life what's the fun in that?

The girl of 7 years past...

Happy Monday pretties!

It's my birthday week.

The last birthday week I am ever celebrating...

Just kidding.

Maybe.

On Thursday I will turn 29 so I figured I would start out this week on a really positive note:

Yesterday my Gran was going through pictures that she had found.

Pictures are truly a blessing.

They have been such a big part of my journey.

My middle daughter Shelby girl turned 8 yesterday.

Hard to believe.

When my Gran pulled the pictures out from her first birthday out I was in utter shock.

Complete disbelief.

I could not wrap my head around just how much I have changed.

Truly.

I have not seen these pictures in 7 years after all.

So much I had forgotten about the person I used to be.

The fake smile.

The bleached hair.

The extra 50 pounds I was carrying around day in and day out.

The daily tears.

Feelings of depression rolled over me with heavy waves.

It was hard to breathe...

And not just because I was carrying so much extra weight.

I feel so sad for the girl I was 7 years ago, but I feel blessed for the woman I have become today.

I might not be where I want to be, but I am closer and stronger than I have ever been.

So this upcoming birthday I will celebrate all that I have been able to accomplish...

I will NOT focus on what I haven't.

Wednesdays.

Typically every Wednesday I spend in misery.

I gripe.

I complain.

I spend more time being miserable than I do happy.

Every Wednesday.

It’s the same dreaded day every week.

I frown more than I smile.

Sometimes all the negativity will end up resulting in bad choices on my part.

It’s paperday.

Yes, my Husband is a paper boy.

Sounds cute right?

Yes, he has a normal job, but his family has been in the paper business since before he was born I believe.

He delivers the recorders locally once a week.

One day.

I spend maybe two hours or so, standing in the garage, folding papers.

Every Wednesday.

Bitching the whole time.

While my hard working Husband stands across from me.

Not only does he have to fold them, but he gets up every Thursday morning before his regular job at 2AM to go and throw the papers.

All for us.

While his feet are aching from being on them all day, while I sit on my ass a majority of that time.

While we are in return making really good money for folding said papers every week.

Every damn Wednesday this occurs.

He takes it.

He takes me complaining.

When I am too hot, or too tired, or too cold.

He just listens.

And he never complains.

He works so hard for our family.

I should be thankful.

And I am…

So today I am going to try and be as positive as possible.

Today I am going to smile.

Today I will simply enjoy that I get to stand next to my best friend, having good conversation, while folding papers and providing for our family.

I love my Husband.

I want to lift him up.

I want to make him proud, and happy, and if all I am doing is complaining how am I ever going to do that?

~Instead of looking at the negative, we must focus on the positive~

In other news I lost 1 pound since Monday and I feel like I have my groove back =)

PS did you see what this lady is doing in San Francisco?!  LOL

~Marcy's Motto for the day~

Cherish the way you Sparkle...

Payton:  Where Daddy go?

Me:  Daddy’s at work sweetie.

Payton: {squealing} He making money! He making money right?

Me: Yes, baby Daddy's making money so we can go shopping!

Payton: Right, Daddy making money {laughing}

I cannot make this shit up.

I have taught her well ;)

Poor Daddy!!!

It’s Tuesday and so far so good.

Besides the McAllister’s Deli club and pasta salad I just threw down my pie hole in about 2.5 seconds things are good.

Regardless I am still within my calories and determined to keep it that way today.

Baby steps.

I have to keep reminding myself that this is a process.

It’s not like one small change is going to get me to my life-long goal.

So many people want quick fixes.

I don’t.

I want to work hard.

At the end of the day I want to feel proud of what I have accomplished.

Shit is hard.

I just threw away two cookies that were in my catered lunch and you would have thought I just lost my best friend.

I love food.

It’s comfort.

It makes me happy.

…and dammit it tastes so good!

But then I see pictures like this and the cookies are easier to resist...

Then...

Now...

I have done this before.

I can do this again.

I WILL do this again.

There is beauty in the journey...

Hubby and I walked a little over 2 miles last night.

My goal for us tonight is over three miles.

We will see if he tuckers out on me or not ;)

So how are y’all feeling today?

I am feeling great.

Coke told me I was a Star ;)

How’s your week going so far?

PS We often forget to cherish how beautiful we all our in our own individual ways...

~Marcy’s Motto for the day~

Last night I dreamt that Johnny Depp gave me a boob job...

Mondays suck balls.

Period.

Yesterday I woke up with a sinus headache.
I decided to take two Tylenol Cold & Sinus {recommended dose} tablets thinking that would give IT a swift kick in the ass.

Well instead it gave ME a swift kick in the ass.

I felt like I was higher than a kite for a majority of the day and was sick to my stomach.

Jokes on me.

I never ever ever EVER sleep good on a Sunday night.

Like ever.

Last night I dreamt that I got a boob job.

Johnny Depp was the surgeon and Jason Aldean was my nurse.

It was so real that when I woke up this morning I had actually thought it happened.

Until I opened my eyes that is.

Dammit.

However, today I surprisingly feel great!

We have already walked over two miles on our breaks and I am getting ready to gear up for our last mile walk in about an hour.

I have eaten great so far and have a pretty good momentum going.

Hopefully little bebe Jebus is on my side tonight when I sit down to watch Bachelor in Paradise that I can keep the snacking to a minimum.

…and make healthy choices at that.

I finally feel like I am getting my groove thang back!

Hope all you lovies had an amazing weekend and have a fantastic Monday =)

~Marcy's Motto for the day~

#FreshStartFriday

#FreshStartFriday

That’s what I am calling today.

And honestly…

It’s not all about staying within my calories, or exercising for this many minutes, or how many ounces of water I drink within the day.

Sure, that has a lot to do with it, but it’s so much more than that.

It’s about me.

It’s about how I feel.

It’s about my attitude.

Ditching the negative because I ate a handful of this, or I didn't go and do this.

Knowing that even though I can’t be perfect all of the time.

That’s okay.

Not losing any sleep over that.

Letting things go.

It’s okay.

Knowing that it’s not just a new day, or hour, but a new minute.

So this weekend, minus trying to stay healthy, I will smile.

I will be confident.

I will be happy.

I will be proud of the things I have done, instead of being pissed off at myself for the things I haven’t.

Life is like a road. It has bumps, cracks and obstacles, but in the end, it gets you somewhere...

Wow.

I don’t even know where to start?

Honestly, I truly don’t.

Is anybody still around here?

Still waiting for me to post something.

I miss it.

I miss writing.

I miss y’all.

I miss motivating and inspiring.

I had to take steps back though.

It might not be a part of everybody’s journey but it was part of my journey.

It still is.

See, some of you may have though I had it all figured out.

You may have though I had my shit together.

And maybe I did a shy 4 months ago.

Today.

Today I sit here almost in tears, twenty pounds heavier, and still wondering what the hell has happened over these past four months.

I have a list of excuses.

Wanna hear them?

I didn’t think so…

But I quit my job of six years to pursue a new job.

A new job that on the outside seemed perfect.

I would have argued to you until I was blue in the face that it was perfect.

It wasn’t.

It just wasn’t for me.

I didn’t fit.

It did not mesh with me, nor did it mesh with my lifestyle.

I left a job where I could go to the gym every day at lunch to a job that was literally sucking the life out of me.

I hated it.

I hated the hours.

I disliked the way things were ran there, and the poor management.

I missed my family.

I was stressed.

I ate.

I didn’t work out.

There was no time, and when there was time I was too exhausted.

So I would sit on the couch before bed, watch my dvr, and I would eat.

I love food.

Too much…

I eat it all the time.

When I am happy, when I am sad, and every little emotion in between.

Sometimes it may be out of emotion but for the most part I just love food.

It became apparent one day that I no longer could go back to that job.

It was hurting me.

Physically, mentally, and emotionally.

In return it was only hurting myself, and most importantly the people I loved the most, my family.

So I quit.

I have NEVER done that but it was truly something I had to do.

Luckily there is a happy ending to it all.

I am not a bum sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself all day long.

I found another amazing opportunity and it’s working out.

I love it.

I love the people.

And I get to help people all day.

The tricky part is this.

I am walking at least three to four miles a day.

It’s a mile around our building and we walk this on our breaks.

So that’s all well and fine.

I try to get out and be active at night but that doesn’t always happen.

I got a fitbit (themrsburris@yahoo.com for those that want to be friends) which has helped.

But it hasn’t been enough.

I have gained.

I know it.

I haven’t stepped on the scale in weeks.

I want to eat all the foods.

I want to eat all the foods all the time.

It’s my drug of choice and it has to stop.

I get so mad.

Like really extra crazy mad at myself.

How was it so easy before?

How in the shit did I manage to lose 110+ pounds and now losing 20 seems almost impossible.

I know it’s not.

I mean I know what I have to do.

But how do I not let food take over my life?

It’s gotten to the point that I don’t post on Instagram and I hate seeing people in public.

I am embarrassed and I am ashamed.

People looked up to me, the still do, and I have definitely let them down.

It’s a lot of pressure.

A lot.

I will get there, eventually.

This is just yet another bump, big bump if I might add, in this crazy journey so far.

So I guess I have a question for anybody that might be reading this.

What’s your way of getting back on track?

Of crawling out of the hole that never seems to have a way out of?

I know it's not impossible.

I know that.

I've come so far...