Please proceed with Caution...

I feel like I need to come with a Warning label today:

"Please proceed with Caution"

I was in such a rush this morning.

Okay, well, like that is different than every morning...

If you know me IRL, you probably know that I am not a morning person.

Like not even a little bit.

I will wait until the very last second to get out of bed.

So I was rushing around like a crazy person trying to get myself and two of my girls together and out the door.

Plus the dog who was getting groomed this morning...

I take a thyroid pill every day for hypothyroidism and my sweet Shelby takes ADHD medication.

Pipe the fuck down all you non-medication people!

I get the medication out, yell at Shelby for the third time to come in the kitchen and take her meds, and before I have realized it I am handing her my pill as I am swallowing hers...

I now feel like at any moment I could naw my ear off?  

Climb the wall like Spiderman?  

Run a marathon?

I believe this is what geeking out on a hard drug might be like.

So naturally I took advantage of this feeling and ran my ass off at the gym.

Ain't she cute?  LOL

I haven't been able to run more than two minutes at a time for as long as I can remember.

Today I ran 6, and would have ran more, but dammit I have had two kids and I had to pee.

Moral of today's story:  SLOW THE FUCK DOWN Y'ALL.

No, In all seriousness...

Goals for today:
Smile 
Workout for at least 30 minutes
Drink a Gallon of water
Stay within my calorie limit 


Who's with me?!

Cha Cha Cha Changes...

It started with a schedule change two years ago.

Going from working out during lunch for five days a week consistently, to barely having time at work to use the restroom.

Then being miserable at my new place of employment.

To finding a job that I love but still not finding "me" time to take care of myself.

A few extra treats here, lunches out, no working out, and two years later here I sit 60 pounds heavier.

I keep thinking to myself, "How did I get here?"

I have said that over and over and over to myself in my head.

But honestly...

I know the answer.

I ran away from the gym instead of running towards it like I should have been.

I quit tracking my meals.

I quite frankly quit caring about myself.

I keep telling myself, "You have done this once before, you sure as hell can do it again!"

I knew I needed a plan.

I knew I needed support.

I have both of those now so I think I am finally ready to get my ass back to where I know I can be.

Here are my goals for the next 30 days:

~A gallon of water a day

~At least 30 minutes of exercise (hit 30 active minutes on fitbit tracker) for 5 days out of the 7 day week

~Track ALL meals in MFP

~Keep a positive mind

That last goal I believe is the most important.

I have been so negative towards myself for far, too long.

To the point where I don't even want my own Husband, who loves me more than anything, to see me undressed.

I can't even stand the thought of it right now.

To be touched is a huge feat in itself.

I feel like I am one big ball of fluff.

How can I even be attractive right now?

So many horrible thoughts go through my head and this I so badly want to change.

I want to be the confident Wife my Husband deserves.

I want to be the Happy and Active Mom my children need...

And I need to be the Friend I haven't been in months.

I have been hiding.

Running away from everything.

It's so easy to hide the pain with a smile but you get to a breaking point where you no longer can do that.

It's now or never...

Who's with me???

Current Weight:  225

Goal Weight:  150

Next Weigh-In:  Fri-Yay

What's waiting for you just around the bend...

Life.

It's a funny, funny thing.

One minute you are on Cloud 9...

The lowest weight you have ever been, supporting and encouraging people all around the world...

And then, what seems like the blink of an eye, you have gained 60+ pounds.

You have lost your drive and direction somewhere along the way.

Leaving the house sometimes seems terrifying.

I have found comfort at the bottom of an empty container of ice cream, rather than sweat dripping on the floor beneath me at the gym.

Something happened to me today.

It was almost like the flip of a switch.

I think I am tired.

Tired of feeling like I have to hide, sometimes even from my own Husband.

I want to be the person I was two years ago.

I want people to look at me and be proud of me.

I want somebody to be able to look at me for inspiration.

So here I am, yet again, being extremely vulnerable.

Putting it out there for all to see.

Zero fucks given and zero sugarcoating because that's truly who I am.

Monday, March 21st 2016

Today I woke and put a smile on my face.

I started the day with a 30 second plank that I must admit I did not finish the whole way through.

I am almost to the bottom of my gallon of water and I am staying within my calorie range.

Today was cardio.

10 minutes of arc trainer and 30 minutes of running for .10 of a mile to walking for .10 of a mile at a 1.0 incline.

I will not eat my feelings today.

I am better than that.

I will smile.

I will try my hardest to be positive, even in trying times.

Current Weight:  225 pounds

Goal Weight:  150 pounds

Who's with me?

"You fall, you rise, you make mistakes, you live, you learn. You're human, not perfect. You've been hurt, your you're alive. Think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, and to chase the things you love. Sometimes there is sadness in our journey, but there is also lots of beauty. We must keep putting one foot in front of the other even when we hurt, for we will never know what is waiting for us just around the bend"...

My neck, my back...

So day three of my new routine isn't really starting out on the best foot...

You know that song, oh shoot how does it go?

"My Neck, my back
I have poison ivy on my vajayjay and my crack..."

Oh wait that's not how it goes?

Well today that is exactly how it goes!

It's like I stripped down to my birthday suit and rolled in it, poison ivy that is.

If I wouldn't lose my job I swear I would take all my clothes off and rub myself all over the carpet at work right now.

So #prednisonepolly is back in the house.
The last time I was on this stuff I gained 10 pounds in a week.

Let's all just say a silent prayer to 3 lb 5 oz premature bebe Jebus that I don't get the munches like normal.

To top everything off exercising that involves sweating right now is out until I can get it under control.

Sweat = itching = scratching

In the meantime I am doing my best to drink tons of water, stay on point with my calories, and not scratch myself to death...

Repeat.

It's like a song stuck on repeat

You know THAT song.

The one song you fall in love with and then listen to it so much you make yourself sick from it.

My weight is a lot like THAT song and the situation I keep finding myself in.

Granted I don't love my weight at the moment.

Although I have dreams of one day being in that place.

That place of repeat where my weight is in a good place and stays there.

It's no secret at all that I have struggled.

I never hide that from anybody or anything.

I started Skinny Meg's summer challenge yesterday.

I did it because for the first time in a LONG time my head AND heart are both in it.

I am ready to change my life.

I pray for the last time but I am no longer making any promises.

Those honestly get me know where.

Baby steps.

I am praying in three months that I can look back on the following picture and not even recognize the person I see...

Honestly I don't even recognize her right now.

Surely that's not me right?

Yes, unfortunately it is.

Months of not listening to my body.

Months of emotional eating.

Months of constantly beating myself up and feeling sorry for myself.

NO MORE.

So you ask what is my plan to become a new and healthier version of myself?

~Stay positive is the most important thing to me.

~Drink TONS of water.

~Use MyFitnessPal to log ALL of my food ALL of the time.

~Get to the gym 3 to 5 days a week but remain active at all times.

~Try my hardest to stay away from night time snacking and week day drinking.

Honestly it's that simple yet seems to be so hard to do at times.

I will be trying my hardest to check in more often because I have sure missed this =)

PS my fav song on repeat right now is...

Happy Tuesday y'all!

4 years

Once upon a time, a girl met a boy. She gave him her hand and he held it tight. Together, they set off down the unknown path in front of them. Sometimes they walked slowly; sometimes at a quicker pace. Sometimes they ran so fast it felt kind of like flying. Whenever he lost his footing, she steadied him and whenever she tripped, he helped her back up. Whenever she grew weary, he’d carry her. Sometimes they didn't know which direction to go, but though they would occasionally lose their way, they never lost each other. They wandered contentedly and lived happily, forever and always side by side.

Cheers to 4 years down and many more to go!

Maxi Skirt Shuffle

If there is one thing I can't stand it's when you wear a piece of clothing that rides up.

You know what I am talking about...

I am currently doing what I like to refer to as the Maxi Skirt Shuffle...

I sit down and it wants to ride up past my boobs.

I walk same thing happens...

I pull it down and then it looks like I have a rubber band suffocating my spare tire.

I pull it down and then when I go to walk it rides back up looking like I am waiting for a flood to happen at any given moment.

Anybody else?

Just me?

Any ways, I will get over it.

I saw this quite earlier today and it just really resonated with me and my life as of lately.

This is so unbelievably true.

To be happy with yourself.

To discover all the wonderful things about yourself and be confident to know how awesome they are.

How awesome YOU are.

It's a hard place to get to.

Especially with the struggles we all face.

But it is possible and I am still discovering and finding my way.

Honestly does that journey ever really end?

I don't think so.

There are always new discoveries to be had.

I just challenge you today to look deep down inside yourself and find at least a couple positive discoveries about yourself.

Be happy about them.

Truly happy.