Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Cha Cha Cha Changes...

It started with a schedule change two years ago.
Going from working out during lunch for five days a week consistently, to barely having time at work to use the restroom.
Then being miserable at my new place of employment.
To finding a job that I love but still not finding "me" time to take care of myself.
A few extra treats here, lunches out, no working out, and two years later here I sit 60 pounds heavier.
I keep thinking to myself, "How did I get here?"
I have said that over and over and over to myself in my head.
But honestly...
I know the answer.
I ran away from the gym instead of running towards it like I should have been.
I quit tracking my meals.
I quite frankly quit caring about myself.

I keep telling myself, "You have done this once before, you sure as hell can do it again!"

I knew I needed a plan.
I knew I needed support.
I have both of those now so I think I am finally ready to get my ass back to where I know I can be.

Here are my goals for the next 30 days:
~A gallon of water a day
~At least 30 minutes of exercise (hit 30 active minutes on fitbit tracker) for 5 days out of the 7 day week
~Track ALL meals in MFP
~Keep a positive mind

That last goal I believe is the most important.
I have been so negative towards myself for far, too long.
To the point where I don't even want my own Husband, who loves me more than anything, to see me undressed.
I can't even stand the thought of it right now.
To be touched is a huge feat in itself.
I feel like I am one big ball of fluff.
How can I even be attractive right now?
So many horrible thoughts go through my head and this I so badly want to change.
I want to be the confident Wife my Husband deserves.
I want to be the Happy and Active Mom my children need...
And I need to be the Friend I haven't been in months.
I have been hiding.
Running away from everything.
It's so easy to hide the pain with a smile but you get to a breaking point where you no longer can do that.

It's now or never...

Who's with me???

Current Weight:  225
Goal Weight:  150

Next Weigh-In:  Fri-Yay

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  1. Girl....I could have, should have, and probably DID write this!! Seriously. EVERY SINGLE WORD! I remember finding you from I think Skinnymeg years ago, and I thought it was so cool we were both lunch time workout'ers, we were both planning on running our first 1/2, and you were pretty close... and then, just like you I slipped. I stopped working out. I stopped tracking. I started eating extra here, extra there, etc. I STOPPED caring enough about myself to take care of myself. I gained those same 60+lbs. I've been trying to regain focus since January. I've lost 9.1lbs. Not much...but a start. But let me tell you I'm going to be making some goals just like you! I'm in with you!!!! I need the support. I don't think I'll be blogging, but I do have fb page. ANYWAYS...I just wanted you to know I can totally relate. It sucks, but I know we both can do this! I KNOW you can do this!!!!! (((((hugs)))))

  2. Great attitude!! And just think about how AWESOME it's going to feel when you're on the other side, knowing you have conquered the challenge twice...you'll be unstoppable!!

  3. You got this! Keep writing, I love reading!