Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Cha Cha Cha Changes...

It started with a schedule change two years ago.
Going from working out during lunch for five days a week consistently, to barely having time at work to use the restroom.
Then being miserable at my new place of employment.
To finding a job that I love but still not finding "me" time to take care of myself.
A few extra treats here, lunches out, no working out, and two years later here I sit 60 pounds heavier.
I keep thinking to myself, "How did I get here?"
I have said that over and over and over to myself in my head.
But honestly...
I know the answer.
I ran away from the gym instead of running towards it like I should have been.
I quit tracking my meals.
I quite frankly quit caring about myself.

I keep telling myself, "You have done this once before, you sure as hell can do it again!"

I knew I needed a plan.
I knew I needed support.
I have both of those now so I think I am finally ready to get my ass back to where I know I can be.

Here are my goals for the next 30 days:
~A gallon of water a day
~At least 30 minutes of exercise (hit 30 active minutes on fitbit tracker) for 5 days out of the 7 day week
~Track ALL meals in MFP
~Keep a positive mind

That last goal I believe is the most important.
I have been so negative towards myself for far, too long.
To the point where I don't even want my own Husband, who loves me more than anything, to see me undressed.
I can't even stand the thought of it right now.
To be touched is a huge feat in itself.
I feel like I am one big ball of fluff.
How can I even be attractive right now?
So many horrible thoughts go through my head and this I so badly want to change.
I want to be the confident Wife my Husband deserves.
I want to be the Happy and Active Mom my children need...
And I need to be the Friend I haven't been in months.
I have been hiding.
Running away from everything.
It's so easy to hide the pain with a smile but you get to a breaking point where you no longer can do that.

It's now or never...

Who's with me???

Current Weight:  225
Goal Weight:  150

Next Weigh-In:  Fri-Yay


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4 comments:

  1. Girl....I could have, should have, and probably DID write this!! Seriously. EVERY SINGLE WORD! I remember finding you from I think Skinnymeg years ago, and I thought it was so cool we were both lunch time workout'ers, we were both planning on running our first 1/2, and you were pretty close... and then, just like you I slipped. I stopped working out. I stopped tracking. I started eating extra here, extra there, etc. I STOPPED caring enough about myself to take care of myself. I gained those same 60+lbs. I've been trying to regain focus since January. I've lost 9.1lbs. Not much...but a start. But let me tell you I'm going to be making some goals just like you! I'm in with you!!!! I need the support. I don't think I'll be blogging, but I do have fb page. ANYWAYS...I just wanted you to know I can totally relate. It sucks, but I know we both can do this! I KNOW you can do this!!!!! (((((hugs)))))

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  2. Great attitude!! And just think about how AWESOME it's going to feel when you're on the other side, knowing you have conquered the challenge twice...you'll be unstoppable!!

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  3. You got this! Keep writing, I love reading!

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