Wednesday, April 8, 2015

A day in the life of me right now...

I cry alone in the dark of the early mornings.
When I am physically so tired that I can barely get out of bed, yet my body yearns to get up and get moving.
My heart wants to be in the gym, but the thought of moving physically hurts every part of my body.
I can't remember something you said to me just two seconds prior.
Why can't I remember?
Can you repeat it?
I still cannot grasp what you said, or what you are trying to tell me.
You get aggravated with me.
I get aggravated with you.
I scream out.
I silence myself.
I gain five pounds in a day.
My face looks like I am trying to impersonate the Michelin Tire Man.
I snap at friends and don't even realize it.
I, somebody who once could win a "Perky Polly" award, is now only known for being the biggest "Negative Nancy" this side of the Mississippi.
I am bloated.
My skin is ashy and I just lathered lotion on myself 10 minutes ago.
Why am I crying again?
Do I even know why I am upset right now?
What did you say again?
I just want to go to bed.
When I am in bed I lay there awake.
My stomach hurts.
I have heartburn to the point I have to sit upright in bed for fear that I may hurl fire all over myself, the bed, and my poor Husband sleeping peacefully next to me.
Oh my poor Husband...
I want him to touch me, to love me, to cuddle me and tell me I am pretty.
When he tries I cringe.
It almost physically hurts to be touched.
I love him but have no desires swirling in my head right now.
All I can think about is how huge I am.
Don't touch me there!  It's just fat!  Disgusting!  Why do you even want to touch me?

You guys the above has been my life everyday for the past several weeks.
I am going next week to a doctor that specializes in thyroid issues specifically.
I am just praying that she can help.

Today is day two of trying my hardest to be as gluten free as possible.
No bread and NO pasta.
Le sigh...
I am only testing this out to see if this personally helps me with my issues.
What works for me may not work for the next person.
Thanks for sticking around on this crazy ass ride of mine!

I received this comment via IG this morning and if this girl only understood what a fire she put under my butt...
All it takes is one simple comment to realize that I can do this.
I still have this.
I have struggles but I will conquer them.
I will not lay down and die and let this disease take over my life.

If you are struggling with this, or something similar, just know you are not alone...
 photo signature_zps875a1fd2.jpg


  1. Hello Marcy!
    Thank you for posting this. I love your thoughts and the fact that you are sharing :)

    When I was in high-school I had a lot of problems with my weight and people around me didn't make it easy. My brother made workout until I couldn't stand . And then he would find ways to make me workout with what I could.
    Sometimes people around us are going to be like that. They help us keep going when it's hard.

    What are some of things you do to give you the stamina to keep going?

  2. (((((Hugs))))) I am so so so sorry you are struggling so much, and you feel so bad. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers honey!!!!!!