I am in charge of how I feel... I choose happiness!!!

{one}

I saw a number on the scale today that I have not seen in over two years and it was the day of my wedding.

The scale stared back at me and said 161.

After my horrible start to my week I was worried.

Old me would have shoved tons of food down my face.

New me wanted to not touch food.

But I kept myself in check.

I ate healthy and continued to workout even when it was the last thing I wanted to do.

I realize that my health is important.

I am important.

 
120 squats holding a 15 pound kettleball, 120 dead lifts, 40 pushups, 40 tricep dips, 120 crunches later and I can assure you, you will feel amazeballz...

 

{two}

Today I am choosing to feel happy.

I have been so upset and down in the dumps this week.

Feeling like I just couldn't even find it in me to smile.

Negative Nancy was in full effect which just hasn't been me for so long.

Every little thing was bothering me.

I won't lie...

Things are still bothering me.

But today I am choosing to put a smile on my face and be as happy as I can be.

 

 

{three}

 

Saw this when I was creeping on IG yesterday.

The fat girl in me had a total foodgasm.

 

 

{four}

Oh this girl...

She would NOT go to sleep last night.

She was crying keeping the girls awake, Kev was gone, and I was ready to pull my hair out.

She FINALLY crashed in our bed sprawled out like this.

What a stinker!

She is the true "baby" of the family and I think she knows it.

 

 

{five}

We are taking the kids to Coney Island this weekend for their annual fall festival.

I am anxious to take new family pics and see how much I have changed since last year...

190 pounds and extremely post partum and I was not working out at all at this point...

I will be back on Monday for a compare post =)

 

I hope that y'all have a fabulous weekend.

Please hug your family tight for me as my family is going through a really rough time.

 

Love you all for your sweet words, comments, prayers, texts, etc. etc.

You will NEVER know how much it truly means to me!



Thankful.

 

I am going to be real honest up in here today.

When I first scrolled past Jenna's Thankful Thursday post in my feed today I didn't want to read it.

I didn't even want to look at the word Thankful.

NOT because I don't love me some Jenna...

I love her to pieces she really is one of the kindest ladies I know.

It's because if I am keeping things real this week has been far from wonderful.

It has basically sucked the biggest set of donkey balls this side of the Mississippi.

 

But...

As much as I am hurting I felt like it was important to choose five things I am thankful for today.

It is important to remind ourselves even during tough times that we really all have things in our everyday life to appreciate.

Nothing is too big or too small.

 

{one}  For my job.

I may bitch about it way more than I praise it but I realize I am lucky to have one.

I know plenty of people out of work that would kill to do what I do and make the money I do and they would be happy about it.

 

{two}  That I have two legs that allow me to walk, hell to run!

There are people that cannot do either.

I can.

 

{three}  This blog and the sweet people who read it.

The amount of comments, emails, texts, etc. over the past couple of days has blown me away.

There really are good people in this world.

 

{four}  My Husband.

He continues to be my rock and my punching bag at my toughest of times.

He loves me through it all and never complains.

 

{five}  To have been blessed with the most amazing Pawpaw.

A hard working man who has always remained my number one fan.

The one man in my life who has NEVER let me down.

Thankful for all the memories we have gotten to share over the past 28 years.

 

 

I am hurting.

Nobody wants to read the depressing posts so I will try my best to be back tomorrow with a smile on my face and some funnies.

I hope.

 

 

 

Broken heart.

 Today I come to you with a broke heart and the smallest weight I have seen since my wedding day.I got on the scale this morning and I weighed in at 162. I know that I have worked hard but I would be lying if I didn't say that stress and poor health might be attributing to my weight loss right now. I don't condone that what so ever and I am trying to stay strong and do what I can to fix it. I kind of knew deep down what the results would be but I was trying to be optimistic.My Husband used to tell me before I lost a majority of my weight that I was always so negative.Not only was my weight physically holding me down it was emotionally holding me down as well.Since I have lost the weight my attitude has been a lot better.I was being way more positive.Then I got the news that I did not want to hear last night. Marcy, I am sorry, the chemo did nothing.Your Pawpaw's cancer won the fight and it's worse than it was before.The spots are more plentiful and larger.He was the 1/3 statistic of people who get worse and not better.Hospice will be in today to make him comfortable.What?Surely this isn't real...The man who has always been my biggest fan, the strongest man I have known, and a constant in my life is becoming less and less with ever waking second. Two words.Fuck cancer.{totally getting this tattoo.  Not the exact same one but something close} Sorry for the Debbie Downer weigh in post. Just pray that I can keep myself together.Pray that I can continue to stay healthy during this whole process.Pray that I can stay strong for my family, especially my children.Mostly pray for Pawpaw.That he find peace and comfort in all of this...

Warning: Just a bunch of mumbo jumbo I had to get off my chest...

Woah this post is coming late!

I have been up to my eye balls in work {if you are reading this THANKS MICHELLE I LOVE YOU, TOO}

 

 

Anyways...

I just have to get something off of my chest.

 

It's funny where this blog has came from.

When I first started spewing my word vomit over at Marcy's Mazin' Moments, which doesn't even exist anymore so don't go lookin', I had no idea what I was doing.

I had no idea of the direction this blog would turn, how much my life would have changed, and how many amazing people I would have met, etc.

This blog is where I mostly share everything and then some about my weight loss journey.

Honestly I never expected it to go there but atlas it has and I am not mad about it.

 

One thing I have ALWAYS told you guys is that I do NOT sugar coat anything.

I tell it like it is.

Some say that isn't always a good thing but I am who I am and I cannot change that.

 

Disclaimer:  Before I go any further I just want to say that I do not give two shits about blasting this certain individual on my blog.

Everything I say is the truth and it is things that I would say directly to their face.

 

 

A little back story to the past month or so {I can't go much further than that I would be here for days} Lauren's Mother has pretty much been non-existent in Lauren's life.

It's to the point where she does not even want to go.

 

Last night specifically Lauren had told her father she did not want to go home.

Her Mother has been dragging her here, there, and everywhere.

Lauren never knows where she will be for that particular night.

Her Mom called Kev at 5:38 saying she was stuck in traffic and on her way.

Kev left at 6:15 for darts.

At 7:00 Lauren was getting antsy so she called her Mother.

I shit you not her Mother had not even been on her way.

She was at her Mom's house working on her computer.

I am sure glad I had nothing to do.

I am glad I have no life so that I can wait around on her.

 

No.

Just no.

 

This is not how this is going to work.

 

Lauren needs stability.

 

Why am I telling you all this?

Well because three years ago this would have upset me so bad I would have went into a feeding frenzy.

I would have shoved thousands of calories down my pie hole with no care in sight.

I love that girl more than life itself and it bothers me to no end that somebody, her own Mother, would do this to her.

Last night...

Last night I was able to love on her and laugh with her.

I was also able to keep myself in check.

I did not eat poorly.

I actually made healthy decisions and went to bed feeling a lot better than I have in a while.

I am also telling you this to let you know that I am not perfect, my family isn't perfect, it's just my perfect.

I do NOT have rainbows and sparkly things flying out of my ass 24/7.

This is real life y'all and I am just finding my healthiest way to deal with it.

 

My anger won't change unfortunately.

When my girls hurt, I hurt.

I cannot stand to see the anger that Lauren has towards her Mother.

I try my best to constantly remind Lauren that Renee is still her Mother and she should still respect her.

I can only stomach so much though...

I am human after all.

 

Pray for me, pray for my Husband, hell even pray for Renee...

 

But most importantly pray for my Lauren girl.

That Kev and myself can continue to show her the lost that she needs and that it will fufill her enough...

 



Surprise!!!

 

Well I successfully managed to throw a surprise 50th for my much deserving Mama and without her finding out!

We drank, we ate, and we drank some more.

Oh and we danced...

I didn't take a lot of pictures because I was too busy playing hostess with the mostess and having fun.

Ya know the obvious...

 

After waking up with a slight hang over yesterday morning we got ready and headed down to watch the Bengals put a thumpin' on The Packers.

...And what do you do for a hangover?

Well you drink of course...

It was a really fun game but once it was over I was ready to go pick up my baby and go home.

 

Oh PS we have a walker on our hands now...



Seriously?

How in the heck does this stuff happen?!?!

PSS I ate like a pregnant cow on steroids yesterday considering today my life over for the next sixty days for the thread eleven challenge.

Okay totally kidding my life isn't over but really...

I had a piece of cake bigger than my head for breakfast.

It was lovely.

 

PSSS I broke out my fall suede boots today and I was sooooooooooo excited.

Maybe a little too excited...

Happy Fall y'all!



Bang bang, Gorilla...

 

Today I am linking up with fellow hot Momma Darci for 5 on Friday!

 

 

{one}  The total obvious.

It's Friday bitches.

Duh.

 

 

{two}  This happened yesterday and I can't quit laughing at it.

Sister got stuck getting a toy from the bottom of the toy box at Kevin's Aunts.

Poor Diddy.

 

{three}  My birthday Sperry's should be coming in today.

EEEEEK!

 

{four}  We had an epic time last night for Mama's birthdizzle celebration.

How cool is it that I can party with my Momma and have a good time?

 

{five}  Last but certainly not least I hit 101 pounds lost today.

Putting me at 164.

This is such a milestone for me.

A lot of blood, sweat, and tears have been shed.

My determination however has not been.

I will never give up.

I will always continue to fight and strive to be a better bad ass version of myself.

It's in my blood.

 

This weekend my plans are to take it easy.

My hip feels so much better but I don't want to push it.

I will however not be lazy this weekend either.

You will rarely ever find me just sitting and doing nothing on the weekend.

I am just giving myself some freedom before this Thread Eleven challenge starts on Monday.

 

PS Am I the only one who's lady bits get heated by Bruno's new song?

OMG SWOOONNNNNNNN

 

I have seriously listened to it five times already since getting to work this morning.
"I promise it's a killer, you'll be bangin on my chest, bang bang, gorilla..."