She's my Lucy and I'm her Ethel...

 

 

So first things first you guys are amazing.

SERIOUSLY!

The outpouring of love and support I received from my post yesterday brought me to tears.

You guys continue to show me such love and I thank you for that.

 

I figured today I would lighten things back up.

I can't handle two posts like that back to back anyways.

I know you have probably heard of me touching on the subject before but Wednesdays are "paper day."

If you know me at all you know I loathe this day.

I can't complain too much because we get a nice chunk of money every week to fold papers and my Husband to throw them.

Big deal right?

I guess it's just the repetitiveness of it that gets on my nerves.

Oh and I'll be damned if there isn't always SOMETHING that comes up on those days...

Like everybody decides it's a good idea to have things going down on Wednesdays?

My paper Wednesday face.

Anyways...

Now that we have the swagger wagon...

Exhibit A

We can now fit all the papers in one load meaning my Husby goes out at night now to get some of them done.

That leaves me to go home to three lovely children.

All by myself.

I know your thinking, "God she can't handle three kids but she can do three miles on the deathmill like a boss?"
Pipe the fuck down.

I can handle my children....

But when they are tired and cranky they turn into she devils.

Seriously.

The baby hadn't slept ALL day except for maybe a 20 minute siesta and the girls were in rare form after coming home from church.

The next thing I know Shelby is screaming hysterically.

I go in to find her laying her drama queen self across the entire span on the shower and Lauren's just looking at me like a deer caught in head lights.

I screamed asked what happened and they both starting coming at me at the same time.

All I can tell you is this...

I said FUCK more than I should have and they are both grounded until they can get along for more than five minutes at a time.

I walked away to calm down while they finished getting showers, in separate showers at this point might I add...

Once they were dressed I walked into their room and told them that God would be awfully disappointed that they were fighting like they were.

Shelby looked at me with the most serious expression on her face and said, "Mom, God wouldn't be very happy with you saying Fuck."

...and there you have it.

Mom FAIL #398

I could not even speak.

When I did all I said was your right babe I am sorry.

I put them all three to bed, reclined my ass in the chair, and hydrated myself from the outside run I had done earlier in the evening.

Not one of my finest or proudest moments but we are all human.

We all make mistakes.

NOBODY is perfect.

Sort of something I am focusing on this week.

It's okay to fail...

Learn from your mistakes...

And just move on.

 

 

Oh PS...

I officially booked our trip to St. Louis in April!!!

Which means I am going to get to finally meet my virtual BFF!!!!

You ain't BFF's unless you connect your hands and make a heart and then obviously Instagram it duh...

Party time.

Lucy and Ethel.

Beer time!

Just the four of us!



To say I am excited would be an understatement.

Not that my life is horrible but I have been dealt a couple of shit sandwiches here lately.

 Really looking forward to getting away with my Husband away from the stress of our everyday life.

...and getting to meet some amazing ladies including Holly and her infamous Hubby Jack.



 

I was initially going to be running the marathon that weekend but I am just physically not ready.

However I look forward to cheering Holly and the other ladies on!

So proud of them!!!!

Hopefully by the end of the year I will be ready for the Nashville 1/2 Marathon that I have committed to running with Kira!!!!!

The more the merrier so if you would like to run with us let me know!



Keepn' it real...

I have never been good at lying.

I guess that's a good thing.

So around here you will find me spitting a lot more truth than anything else.

Oh and keepn' it real...

 

I will never sugar coat anything to make you think that things around here are constantly perfect.

It's not real life people.

Is my life perfect for me?

YES!

...but it's not perfect, I am not perfect, NOBODY is perfect.

If you think you are perfect then you might as well part ways with me here.

 

 

Since my brother left for rehab on Friday I have internally been an absolute basket case.

For the most part I can hide it really well but I am started to rip at the seams.

I hurt.

I cry, a lot.

...and I have eat us out of house and home since then.

I haven't been tracking what I am eating and I just haven't cared much.

 

I am still working out so that is a positive but you can't lose weight if you aren't eating right as well...

 

Two weeks ago I was on a high from losing 101 pounds...

This week...

This week I am back up 10 pounds.

Yes, 10 pounds.

I can look at food and gain weight I think.

 
 

Last night I finally weighed in for the Diet Bet that I am doing with Miss Viva Las Vegas so I have the picture proof.

Disgusting.

Pay no attention to my chipped Flinstone feet and those specs of dirt on the floor.

I am telling you I am off of my game but I am back on the horse today...

Saddle and all.

 

I am here to tell you that we all have our hard times.

This shit is something I am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life.

It's just figuring out how to handle each situation that arises.

I know that turning to food for comfort is wrong.

I was given some amazing advice last night and I am going to take it starting today.

They told me anytime I felt the urge to eat to fill the pain I am feeling...  get out a journal and write to my brother.

Write to him.

Tell him everything I am going through and maybe when he gets out give it to him.

 

I just miss my brother y'all.

Sammy and I have always had such a strong bond.

I haven't been around much just for the simple fact of his behavior and me not wanting my children to see their Uncle {whom they adore so much} like that.

I don't want to see him like that.

 

Starting today I am going to track every.single.thing. I put into my body.

I don't care if it's a stick of gum.

I WILL track it.

I have committed to no less than 12 8 oz. glasses of water a day.

I am going to try my hardest to stick with this whole "clean eating" thing but not totally deprive myself.

Depriving yourself gets you nowhere in the end.

And I am going to work out 5-6 days out of the 7 day week for AT LEAST a half hour but shooting for obviously more than that.

I will make this work.

I will get to my goal weight.

I will be a healthier better version of who I am today!

 

And even when I am at my absolute worst my Husby knows how to make me crack a smile...

 

 

 

 



 

 

PS go check out Miss Viva Las Vegas' blog if you haven't done so already!  She is giving some of her favorite things!!!  GO ENTER!

Also go visit Myranda and help her out by doing two easy peasy short surveys that would be AWESOME!!!

 

PSS...



Where I am at today and a birthday wish...

Sup girl?

How you doin???

Me?

I'm fly like the zipper on yo' pants.

Don't ask.

Slap happy.

It's called little to no sleep...

I am over HURRRR today talking all about how sex is healthy.

So pop on over to my girl Shana's blog and say HI!!!!

 

In other news it's my youngest brother's birthday before.

Even though it can't be spent together I just wanted to give him a little shout out and let him know how much I love him!!!

 

It's truly bittersweet.

My heart is happy and sad all at the same time.

LOVE YOU BUBS!

Red hair don't care in muh swagger wagon yo'

 

 
I decided Friday night that it was finally time to get rid of my blond roots.
Yes, I in fact get blond roots...

I love my red hair!
...and that beer that went down really well to go with it.


There typical Saturday morning slumber.


Saturday the temperature was on our side.
It felt so nice to be out and about and not freeze my ass off.
We did a little shopping and took Lauren home to her Mom's...

Then we did this...

Mama test drove a 2012 Toyota Sienna...

Mama fell in love with said 2012 Toyota Sienna...

Daddy spoiled Mama with that 2012 Toyota Sienna.

I guess from being outside a lot of the day Saturday by the time we got home Saturday night I literally felt like I could scratch my eye balls out...


Yesterday morning I ran for the first time outside.
I would be lying if I said it was easy.
It definitely was not.
I was however proud of myself that I managed to run the entire first mile without stopping.


Typical Sunday selfies with The Diddyness

Basically my weekend was fabulous until about 7:45 PM last night when I decided 1.  It was a good idea to clean the bathroom and not just sit the fuck down and relax.  2.  When my ass knocked my Iphone into the toilet.
Needless to say I will be making a trip to the Apple store tonight.
So if you have tried to contact and I haven't responded I am not being an asshole.
I just simply don't have a phone.

I will leave you with a positive note though because it's not nice to leave anybody with something negative at the end.

Hot Mama in her SWAGGER WAGON

PS this rap was totally made for me...
I'm the world's best nurse when my kids get sick,
I make a mean gel-mold, I perfected my tricks,
Back when I used to party as a college chick.
Now I'm cruising to their playdates lookin' all slick...


In my Swagger Wagon,
Yeah, the Swagger Wagon,
It's the Swagger Wagon,
I got the pride in my ride.
In my Swagger Wagon,
Yeah, the Swagger Wagon,
It's the Swagger Wagon.

 



A part of me...

{forwarning that this may possibly make you shed a few tears which isn't typical around these parts}

 

This is for all of my readers.

 

Specifically the ones who don't already follow me on Instagram, etc.

 

I know I have already posted once today but felt this was necessary to share.

 

And ESPECIALLY for all my readers that are jumping on the health wagon and trying to better themselves physically, etc.

 

 

Something happened to me on what I typically refer to as the deathmill today.  Although today, today I will refer to it as the lovemill.  I do.  I love it.  I NEVER thought in a million years I would LOVE to run but I do.  It was only because I used to be the girl that simply would give up to soon.  I have said it before but I will say it again...  I started running merely a month ago.  I could barely do .5 miles without feeling like I was going to die.  Seriously y'all...  I thought getting to a mile was something I may never see.  Each and everyday I continue to surprise the hell out of myself.  I am actually sticking with it.  I feel incredible for the first time in far too long...  Honestly I don't know if I have EVER in my 27 years felt THIS good.  ...and sadly I amNOT kidding.  Today I managed to do an entire 5k without stopping.  Something happened to me about minute 20...  I want to say I was almost at two miles.  Stephanie had suggested Katy Perry's station on Pandora and I am glad she did.  It was then that Katy's Perry's song "Part Of Me" came on and something just clicked.  Y'all I cried and I smiled and for the first time I was just so damn proud of myself.  I have said it before but this time I really honestly mean it.  The following lyrics really struck a chord... 

"Now look at me,

This is the part of me

That you're never gonna ever take away from me,

noT

his is the part of me

That you're never gonna ever take away from me,

 Throw your sticks and your stones,

Throw your bombs and your blows,

But you're not gonna break my soul.

This is the part of me

That you're never gonna ever take away from me, no! 

Now look at me I'm sparkling,

A firework,

a dancin' flame

You won't ever put me out again

I'm glowin', oh woah..."

 It was like she was singing that song specifically for me. 

Not only am I proud of myself I am FINALLY, after never have ever doing so, officially loving myself.  Don't get me wrong I have always loved the person I was.  Meaning I know I am funny, and loving, and would give you the shirt off my back even if I didn't have a shirt to replace it with...  but I have never really LOVED myself.  On my wedding day...  I didn't even feel like I looked that good.  I was CONSTANTLYcomparing myself to everybody else.  A bride should NEVER have to do that.  In kindergarten I would sit and stare at my legs and wonder why MINE were so much fatter than all the other girls.  I have NEVER loved my body...  especially after popping two chitlins out of my lady bits... 

Today, today I can honestly say that I love my body.  It may not be exactly where I want it to be but goodness I have a good ass, curves, etc... 

We are all beautiful in our own way. 

My Husband was telling me the other night that he just is in love with my body and the way that I look, thinks I am sexy, and he just really can't understand all of this.  He thinks I am perfect just the way I am.  I know that I am beyond lucky to be with a man that really is in love with every inch of me however it has nothing to do with him.  It's all the way about how we feel of ourselves...  So I didn't stop.  Not once until I managed to hit 3.1 miles did I even begin to think of slowing down... I am excited about the future and the person I am becoming.  It really is life changing to finally love yourself.  I don't just love a "part of me" I love

"ALL OF ME!"

 

Who managed to do a 5k without stopping today????



People always tell me...

First off aren't they cute as stick people?

Anyways...

I knew when my Pimpette otherwise known to most of you as Holly was doing a link-up I just had to participate.

It's part of my duties to thank her for sponsoring and pimping my ass.

Then insert Jakey-Poo.

I feel like I can already refer to him as that considering we both have the very same favorite word.

FUCK.

Where has he been all my life?

Funny thing about blogging isn't it?!

 

So all ya gots' to do is link-up with their awesome faces and then answer the following questions.

Hell you don't even have to answer all of them if you don't want to!

 

 



1. People always tell me....
I am funny.
I get it at least once a day...
I have NO idea why.
Maybe it's from the crazy ass posts I write about my weight loss.
Apparently people like people that are trying to make themselves healthy.
They also like it when you make it funny and put it in real life form.
Real is definitely what you will get around here...
Kinda like the time Nancy Fucking Clue had me guest post for her.
Or maybe it's the crazy ass pictures I post of myself on a regular basis.

or this beauty from last night on IG...

Most of the time with a beer in toe except you won't find one in my hands right now because I decided it would be a good idea to hop on the 10 day cleanse with errryybody.
Side note:  I do feel amazing so as much as I bitch I am thankful.

Or they tell me I am nice and cute.
Granted I am in #operationgetfuckingmilfstatusmode not cute but I will take it.
It's better than telling me I look like a long distance relative of Mama June...
In all seriousness.
I'm just real.
I am me.
What you see is what you get and you guys obviously see that around these parts!

 

2. In the movie based on my life...

There would be a lot of cursing and a starring a woman that is constantly struggling to keep her head above water most days.

All about how she marched through the darkness and one day found her light.

Someone who battled a split home as a child, struggled with weight {and still continues to I might add}, wearing her heart on her sleeve, lots of loss, an unsuccessful marriage...

It all turned around though when she finally met her own personal prince charming.

Now living out her own "his, mine, and ours" story.

Full time working Mama who loses her shit most days out of pee on the toiled and toothpaste left in the sink.

A self proclaimed reality tv junkie who loves to blog, loves people, and has found out she actually has potential to be an athlete.
Basically just your typical badass Mama of three girls and an amazing Husby who makes me lose my shit on a regular basis.

 

 

3. Typically, I end up regretting....

The three oatmeal cream pies I have been known to scarf down before heading to bed on occassion...

 Then this happens...

...and it's instantly regretted.

 

4. I always ask to leave off the....

Nothing.
I love all the damn fixins hence the reason I have an inner fat girl that's constantly trying to polke at me...

 Memba I looked like this just a short time ago...

Whoof.
 

 

5. Kim and Kanye really...

Piss me the fuck off and get on my ever last nerve.

The end.

PS Just one more thing... NOBODY FUCKING CARES.

 

6. My Parents always reminded me...

Well my biological hookah Mom {HI MOM!} would remind me that I am super fucking awesome and she is jealous of how amazing my life has turned out.

She loves me and is glad that she never reproduced anymore children because no other child could compare to how fucking AMAZING I am.

Right Mom?

...and coming from my Father or Step Mammy I am the favorite child.

With two younger brothers that are ADHD and just fucking crazy...

Their boys what more can I say?

So basically I am just amazing and ya...

 

7. Every single day I.....

 Brush my toofers.
I do live in Kentucky but I want to make fo' damn sure I keep all my originals.
I hope you do as well or we just simply can't be friends because that's fucking nasty.
 

 

8. This one time in College..

Considering college ended up not being for me and I only managed to make it through the first three weeks {ya...} I died my hair three times in one week.
To me that's fucking crazy.
...and I wonder what the fuck has been going on with my hair?

Lion's mane.

 

9. My grossest habit is...

Belching.
Especially when I drink my liquid courage carbonated deliciousness.
Otherwise known as Michy...

Or eating avocado raw right out of it's shell...
Ya I get a lot of Ewww's from that but I am not sure if it's a habit or not?
I just eat that shit like it's my job.
...and brussel sprouts.
I could eat this every.single.day.
 

 

10. My latest white lie was...

I can seriously tell you that I don't tell lies.
I just don't.
...and if I do try to you can tell I am lying so what's the point.
One time though in First Grade {this was obviously after my parents split} I told my teacher that my Mom died in a really bad car accident and my Dad had to take care of me and my twelve other brother and sisters.
Okay you must remember at the time I had no other siblings and my Mom was alive and kicking...
I have no idea why?
I was six ok...

Oh I have told my Husband Aunt Flo was visiting before just so I could sleep instead of sexy time.
Sleep is important.
I have a baby memba???

 

11. I know all the words to...
There are seriously too many to count...
But here is a video just to show you my amazing singing abilities...

Oh and while I am at it why not show you how I can back that ass up...
Holly I know your essited for April!!!!

Basically I know all the words to Ice Ice Baby, I like Big Butts DUH, Pour Some Sugar On Me...
Or anything by my boyfrannns Jason Aldean, Luke McSexy Bryan, or Eric Church.
 

12. When I grow up...

What you talkin' about Willis...
I ain't eva gonna do that so I can't answer it.


...and neither will my PIC obviously LOL

 

13. Sexy time is...
Whenever we aren't too tired.
Mainly whenever I am not, too tired.
Husband is ALWAYS in the mood.
If you remember I do have a Golden Pussy...

And he also practically attacks me when I dress up like a hick and wear overalls...
I will NEVER understand this but whatevs.

 

 

 

14. I will never, ever...

Cheat on my Husband.
Like ever.
I have had it done to me.
I know the pain.
It will never happen.
EVER...
{insert Taylor Swift singing voice}
 

15. I think it's hilarious...

When people proceed to read my blog and then bash me via the Internet.
Really?



PS I will leave y'all with this...
I have actually ran a 13.1 miler race.
Except I didn't train for it.
I walked a lot of it...
So I really feel like I can't brag much.
Plus there was nobody really there to support me.
The next one that I do there WILL be support.
But I still don't give myself enough street cred...

HAHA OF COURSE I WOULD CELEBRATE WITH WINE AND I WAS AROUND 190 HERE CIRCA NOVEMBER 2010.